This last Saturday I shifted out of Keshod and am now in my flat in Ahmedabad, where I plan on staying for the next one month. Leaving Keshod was a rushed affair but I managed to shift everything except my closet that is still in that room. I had a smile on my face when I said bye to that room. When I was making the last rounds to check whether I had forgoten anything there, I went in the room and just saw myself sitting on my mattress in that room, with a laptop in my lap and working away in pj's. It was a positive memory and am glad I have it. I probably will go back to say my final byes to the people there as I was not able to say bye to any of them. Which reminds me, I need to call them all. There are many people who made my stay there comfortable and helped me in a variety of different ways. I want a chance to acknowledge that to them. When I was leaving Keshod, yes I did have a few tears in my eyes. I cried for a while I was in the car, for many things actually. That place taught me a lot about my own country, sometimes the good side, and sometimes the horribly wrong sides. I recently met my uncle and he said something very important that holds true in this situation. I had asked him what is the difference between love and infatuation, how do you know what you feel towards someone or something. To that he replied, if you are infatuated by someone or something, you will only see it's positive side. That person or the thing can never be wrong, everything will always be rosy as all you are blinded by is the happy, positive things. But when you love something or someone, you very well know the good and the bad about that person or thing, and you love it in it's entirety. You don't love certain parts of a person or a place, you love it entirely. It's a package deal you see :P In the beginning of my journey, I was really happy to be here and I was really appreciating being in that place. But in a few discussions with people in Canada, someone pointed out that perhaps I am just going through my honeymoon phase with India, everything is beautiful, everything is positive and great because I have not had any negative experiences yet. Well, I have seen the worst side of this country, my home, and I still love it. I am still very happy to be here. I know this is not the last time I will be here. I know I will keep coming again and again because otherwise there will always be something missing. Yes I have a very comfortable and privileged life in Canada that I can just keep living in, no hassles, no problems and it is a very self centered life at that point, but I don't want that at this stage of my life. If given a chance to get another internship in India, I would probably take it up again. You can spend a lifetime studying and researching in India and you will still never fully understand it. But right now, all I know is, this is not the time to take up a 9-5 desk job. This is my time to move around, be flexible and see as much of the world as I possibly can. Right now, my decisions only affect me, no one else, and I love that.
In the meanwhile, I am happy to be in Ahmedabad. I was cleaning up my bathrooms in the flat with my jeans rolled up to my knees, an old tshirt and hair tied up in a pony tail, but still I felt good cleaning up the old dirt. This is my house that I intent on making my home over the next month. So it's worth it cleaning up your home. So that is my motivation to keep my jeans rolled up and my hair tied up for the next round of cleaning starting up in the next half an hour or so.
Love,
Richa
Monday, March 2, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
AIR 116
Hi,
I think my subconscious mind has started accepting that I will be leaving soon. When I woke up in the morning, the last image of my dream that I remember was running to catch flight AIR 116. It’s probably because I have entered the last week of my stay here in Keshod. Yesterday I had a break for sometime in between translations and I started looking at my photos covering the last 5 years of my life, from the end of high school to the 4 years of college life and the last year. I usually never used to see the videos as I tend to prefer photos for some reason. But yesterday I happened to click on one of the videos and it was a video of my 19th birthday party, that was 2nd year. It was a fun time, although it ended too soon! It’s fantastic that I can look back at all these pics and videos and they can still make me laugh. While it’s true that friends lose touch, lose contact or in the worst of cases they part on bad terms, I guess all we end up with at the end of the day is some few lovely memories perhaps. Of course there are the shitty ones as well, but I tend to have a bad memory so the little memory space I have is more occupied in remembering the good stuff over the bad stuff. So for all those lovely memories, thanks to one and all!
On a different note, I have noticed that I am starting to get in my aggressive mode. Every time I come to India for more than a month, towards the end of my stay I start getting very aggressive and irritable. Just this morning when I was walking to the office, I felt like staring back at all those eyes that were watching me. But I didn’t. Just like everyday, I either looked up, straight at some obscure point or the ground in front of me rather than meet the sometimes curious and sometimes perverted eyes that are invariably looking at me every time I pass by. Earlier I used to wonder why do most Indian people at least tend to look down when they walk. I would get really really irritated and would think this has to do with a lack of confidence or that they are just oppressed in some way. But because I have started doing the same thing, I can at least speak for myself now and explain why I do it. It’s not about a lack of confidence, at least not for me. It is mostly men who are staring at me. The moment I look up and actually make eye contact even for a brief second, they think that I am giving them the green signal. If a guy is roaming around on his bike and you look up at him, he will turn around if he has to, but he will come after you. There is a saying here, “ungli do to pura haath pakad lete hai” “you give them a finger and they will grab your whole hand”. And as for women, I am not able to yet figure out why I don’t bother even making eye contact with them. Part of the reason can be that because I walk around with my hair open, and have a city like dressing sense, they think I am a spoilt girl. That’s what people in villages usually tend to think about city girls. They are spoilt – in what way precisely, am not too sure. I think they just find me odd. Once when I was walking by, a kid actually asked his mother in Gujarati “What type of girl is that!” Unfortunately my Gujarati is not well enough to understand what the mother replied back.
Nonetheless, the point is I am getting more aggressive. I think it’s just a defence mechanism. I have observed that about myself or I guess it’s a rule in general, you fight with those you love the most. I think my fight with India has started. I try to remind myself of all the negative shit that I know takes place here, I guess as just a method of making it easier to leave it and just detach. I know it’s not exactly the most healthy behaviour to cope with such situations, but at the moment that is what I am doing. While brushing my teeth this morning, I had to convince myself to stop being grumpy and if not smile, then at least be in a calm frame of mind.
I am alright otherwise. I know all of this “ohh I don’t want to leave India” blogs give the impression that I am dreading coming back home. I am not. In fact, bit by bit I have started looking forward to it now. I have started reminding myself of all the good things about home. I am not exactly able to predict how I will be once I am back there. At the moment I am in limbo right now, neither here nor there. Or as a lovely professor once taught the word to me, I am at a liminal stage.
I think my subconscious mind has started accepting that I will be leaving soon. When I woke up in the morning, the last image of my dream that I remember was running to catch flight AIR 116. It’s probably because I have entered the last week of my stay here in Keshod. Yesterday I had a break for sometime in between translations and I started looking at my photos covering the last 5 years of my life, from the end of high school to the 4 years of college life and the last year. I usually never used to see the videos as I tend to prefer photos for some reason. But yesterday I happened to click on one of the videos and it was a video of my 19th birthday party, that was 2nd year. It was a fun time, although it ended too soon! It’s fantastic that I can look back at all these pics and videos and they can still make me laugh. While it’s true that friends lose touch, lose contact or in the worst of cases they part on bad terms, I guess all we end up with at the end of the day is some few lovely memories perhaps. Of course there are the shitty ones as well, but I tend to have a bad memory so the little memory space I have is more occupied in remembering the good stuff over the bad stuff. So for all those lovely memories, thanks to one and all!
On a different note, I have noticed that I am starting to get in my aggressive mode. Every time I come to India for more than a month, towards the end of my stay I start getting very aggressive and irritable. Just this morning when I was walking to the office, I felt like staring back at all those eyes that were watching me. But I didn’t. Just like everyday, I either looked up, straight at some obscure point or the ground in front of me rather than meet the sometimes curious and sometimes perverted eyes that are invariably looking at me every time I pass by. Earlier I used to wonder why do most Indian people at least tend to look down when they walk. I would get really really irritated and would think this has to do with a lack of confidence or that they are just oppressed in some way. But because I have started doing the same thing, I can at least speak for myself now and explain why I do it. It’s not about a lack of confidence, at least not for me. It is mostly men who are staring at me. The moment I look up and actually make eye contact even for a brief second, they think that I am giving them the green signal. If a guy is roaming around on his bike and you look up at him, he will turn around if he has to, but he will come after you. There is a saying here, “ungli do to pura haath pakad lete hai” “you give them a finger and they will grab your whole hand”. And as for women, I am not able to yet figure out why I don’t bother even making eye contact with them. Part of the reason can be that because I walk around with my hair open, and have a city like dressing sense, they think I am a spoilt girl. That’s what people in villages usually tend to think about city girls. They are spoilt – in what way precisely, am not too sure. I think they just find me odd. Once when I was walking by, a kid actually asked his mother in Gujarati “What type of girl is that!” Unfortunately my Gujarati is not well enough to understand what the mother replied back.
Nonetheless, the point is I am getting more aggressive. I think it’s just a defence mechanism. I have observed that about myself or I guess it’s a rule in general, you fight with those you love the most. I think my fight with India has started. I try to remind myself of all the negative shit that I know takes place here, I guess as just a method of making it easier to leave it and just detach. I know it’s not exactly the most healthy behaviour to cope with such situations, but at the moment that is what I am doing. While brushing my teeth this morning, I had to convince myself to stop being grumpy and if not smile, then at least be in a calm frame of mind.
I am alright otherwise. I know all of this “ohh I don’t want to leave India” blogs give the impression that I am dreading coming back home. I am not. In fact, bit by bit I have started looking forward to it now. I have started reminding myself of all the good things about home. I am not exactly able to predict how I will be once I am back there. At the moment I am in limbo right now, neither here nor there. Or as a lovely professor once taught the word to me, I am at a liminal stage.
Monday, February 16, 2009
2 weeks notice
Hi,
In pj's, listening to Enigma and sitting on my bed writing this. Just came back from Ahmedabad this morning and while climbing the stairs upto my apartment, I realized this maybe the last time I am coming back from Ahmedabad to Keshod. I am here just for 2 more weeks, so having quite a bit of mixed feelings regarding that. While I have one more month in Ahmedabad after this, part of me still feels anxious that holy shit, just one more month. Today if Feb 16, and the technical finish date of my work. My work is nowhere near finished and I will be working on it even when am in Ahmedabad. I have to seriously buck up and get somethings done during this week.
But sometimes it can be so distracting, this silly mind starts wandering all over the place. I don't know what I will be doing once am back in Victoria. If all goes well, I will be in grad school by early September, but in the meanwhile, I don't know what I will do. Part of me suspects that I might get more lonely there in Victoria than I have been here in Keshod and especially Ahmedabad. So at the moment, just trying to get back in a frame of mind which has Victoria in it. At the same time, I find myself tightly holding on to my life here in Ahmedabad. Yes, I am looking forward to sitting on my couch on a lazy rainy day, with a warm cup of tea and a pirated copy of a bollywood movie playing on my tv when am in Victoria. But I cannot help but look back over these last few months and I guess just be thankful for this experience and all that has happened.
Anyway, I should return to work now, or start my work now to be more precise. Hope you are safe and well.
Love
Richa
In pj's, listening to Enigma and sitting on my bed writing this. Just came back from Ahmedabad this morning and while climbing the stairs upto my apartment, I realized this maybe the last time I am coming back from Ahmedabad to Keshod. I am here just for 2 more weeks, so having quite a bit of mixed feelings regarding that. While I have one more month in Ahmedabad after this, part of me still feels anxious that holy shit, just one more month. Today if Feb 16, and the technical finish date of my work. My work is nowhere near finished and I will be working on it even when am in Ahmedabad. I have to seriously buck up and get somethings done during this week.
But sometimes it can be so distracting, this silly mind starts wandering all over the place. I don't know what I will be doing once am back in Victoria. If all goes well, I will be in grad school by early September, but in the meanwhile, I don't know what I will do. Part of me suspects that I might get more lonely there in Victoria than I have been here in Keshod and especially Ahmedabad. So at the moment, just trying to get back in a frame of mind which has Victoria in it. At the same time, I find myself tightly holding on to my life here in Ahmedabad. Yes, I am looking forward to sitting on my couch on a lazy rainy day, with a warm cup of tea and a pirated copy of a bollywood movie playing on my tv when am in Victoria. But I cannot help but look back over these last few months and I guess just be thankful for this experience and all that has happened.
Anyway, I should return to work now, or start my work now to be more precise. Hope you are safe and well.
Love
Richa
Saturday, January 31, 2009
A discussion
Hi all,
I just spent the last 3 hours talking with a 19 year old girl about what it means to be a girl in this environment, in Keshod. At every step, there is sacrifice. She cannot make her own decisions, or even when she can, they are mostly based on how her actions will reflect upon the family name. My study revolves around talking about gender bias in healthcare seeking behaviour. If it's a boy or a girl child, do parents keep any bias in the way they would seek treatment for a boy or a girl? Does the birth of a boy or a girl child impact the way a new mother will utilize Post Natal Care services and how her family will look after her and the new child? What is the difference in the way adolescent boys and girls seek healthcare? Through these interviews and FGDs, the one constant line that I hear at least once is that "a boy is a must". They need the boy to carry forward the family name, but the burden of maintaining the family's reputation lies on the girl's shoulders.
A woman is considered the honour of a household. Her virginity is staunchly associated with her family's honour, more than her own honour. You might be wondering, so? What is wrong in that? What is wrong in that is the impact that this burden has on a girl's life. Her mobility, her health, her education, her life. Parents are afraid at the thought of letting their girls go outside the village that "what if something happens". What if she falls in love and has sex!! Let alone sex, what if she falls in love! In a very telling interview, when asked what are some of the health problems faced by adolescent girls in your village, one health service provider answered "she might fall in love", indicating, she might have unsafe sex with her partner, might get STDs, HIV/AIDs, or she might get pregnant. While this fear is understandable, what is more telling is that if she "falls in love" people are more concerned about the ruination of the family name rather than the actual health of the girl. This basic difference in mindset influences the way people respond to practical situations.
A girl's mobility is definetely restricted as compared to a boy, but her mobility has an impact on her healthcare. First of all, if a girl has any kind of a reproductive health problem (menstruation problems etc etc), she may not even disclose it to anyone, because she is shy. At times, she cannot even tell her mother. And when she can, and the problem is serious and she needs treatment outside the village, the parents can hesitate in taking her due to societal fears. They think that if we take her outside for treatment, this this information might spread throughout the village and people will say she has a bad character, and it will have a direct impact on the marriage proposals that might get. But if the same reproductive health problem is faced by a married woman, then it is alright, because she is married, she has the license. Because of possible bleak marriage proposals, her health can be compromised.
Because of the mobility issue, she is also not allowed to study. In every village, there is a primary school that goes till grade 7. Girls are taught till 7th. But if there is a highschool in a nearby village, and if the talks come on the idea of sending the girl outside the village to study, parents stop her education. This is not in all communities, it is dependent on caste and the families financial condition. While her brother will be educated, she will start taking care of the household work and field work. Work becomes her life from a very early age in these circumstances. By the time she is 18, she gets married off and off she goes to her in-laws. Within a year she has a child, and she will keep having children until they have at least one boy child. There have been cases where people have had 6 girls and then finally one boy. But even after having one boy, they will wait to get sterilized until the boy is at least 5 years old because the child mortality rate highest between that age group. Right now, the condition is a lot better as most people have awareness and understanding that a small family is a happy family, but still it is an incomplete family until there is a boy child. When asked, why is a boy so important, the answer invariably was "he will carry forward the name, the girl will get married off and carry forward the lineage of another family, but a boy will carry forward our name, he will be our support".
I have a lot more to say but I have written a lot and I think you must be tired by now. Nonetheless, these are the issues that I am dealing with in this study, and this is just the surface. But one question that I am stuck at right now is while I was talking with this girl, it was evident she didn't talk with many other people about it. When asked, can I talk with a few more of her friends, just as a converstaion, she asked, what will you do about it? You are leaving. Even the last interns who came, they spent so much time with us, and now, they are there and we are here. I am faced with that situation that I used to read in anthropological theories, the power of "leaving the field". The things that I have written about are the daily realities of these people, but perhaps a research exercise for me. I can leave and go back to my cozy reality, where I have power and control in my life, to make my own decisions in all aspects of my life. I can still see the way she turned around, smiled and said, "what will you do? you are leaving".
It is true. What will I do? write a report, gain some experience, and then? While I have gotten a lot out of these people, what have they received from me? The nature of such internships is unbalanced, meant more for the Canadian intern then the organization and the communities they are working with. And when the community members look at me squarely in the eye and ask what will I do, at this moment, I don't have a reply for them.
I just spent the last 3 hours talking with a 19 year old girl about what it means to be a girl in this environment, in Keshod. At every step, there is sacrifice. She cannot make her own decisions, or even when she can, they are mostly based on how her actions will reflect upon the family name. My study revolves around talking about gender bias in healthcare seeking behaviour. If it's a boy or a girl child, do parents keep any bias in the way they would seek treatment for a boy or a girl? Does the birth of a boy or a girl child impact the way a new mother will utilize Post Natal Care services and how her family will look after her and the new child? What is the difference in the way adolescent boys and girls seek healthcare? Through these interviews and FGDs, the one constant line that I hear at least once is that "a boy is a must". They need the boy to carry forward the family name, but the burden of maintaining the family's reputation lies on the girl's shoulders.
A woman is considered the honour of a household. Her virginity is staunchly associated with her family's honour, more than her own honour. You might be wondering, so? What is wrong in that? What is wrong in that is the impact that this burden has on a girl's life. Her mobility, her health, her education, her life. Parents are afraid at the thought of letting their girls go outside the village that "what if something happens". What if she falls in love and has sex!! Let alone sex, what if she falls in love! In a very telling interview, when asked what are some of the health problems faced by adolescent girls in your village, one health service provider answered "she might fall in love", indicating, she might have unsafe sex with her partner, might get STDs, HIV/AIDs, or she might get pregnant. While this fear is understandable, what is more telling is that if she "falls in love" people are more concerned about the ruination of the family name rather than the actual health of the girl. This basic difference in mindset influences the way people respond to practical situations.
A girl's mobility is definetely restricted as compared to a boy, but her mobility has an impact on her healthcare. First of all, if a girl has any kind of a reproductive health problem (menstruation problems etc etc), she may not even disclose it to anyone, because she is shy. At times, she cannot even tell her mother. And when she can, and the problem is serious and she needs treatment outside the village, the parents can hesitate in taking her due to societal fears. They think that if we take her outside for treatment, this this information might spread throughout the village and people will say she has a bad character, and it will have a direct impact on the marriage proposals that might get. But if the same reproductive health problem is faced by a married woman, then it is alright, because she is married, she has the license. Because of possible bleak marriage proposals, her health can be compromised.
Because of the mobility issue, she is also not allowed to study. In every village, there is a primary school that goes till grade 7. Girls are taught till 7th. But if there is a highschool in a nearby village, and if the talks come on the idea of sending the girl outside the village to study, parents stop her education. This is not in all communities, it is dependent on caste and the families financial condition. While her brother will be educated, she will start taking care of the household work and field work. Work becomes her life from a very early age in these circumstances. By the time she is 18, she gets married off and off she goes to her in-laws. Within a year she has a child, and she will keep having children until they have at least one boy child. There have been cases where people have had 6 girls and then finally one boy. But even after having one boy, they will wait to get sterilized until the boy is at least 5 years old because the child mortality rate highest between that age group. Right now, the condition is a lot better as most people have awareness and understanding that a small family is a happy family, but still it is an incomplete family until there is a boy child. When asked, why is a boy so important, the answer invariably was "he will carry forward the name, the girl will get married off and carry forward the lineage of another family, but a boy will carry forward our name, he will be our support".
I have a lot more to say but I have written a lot and I think you must be tired by now. Nonetheless, these are the issues that I am dealing with in this study, and this is just the surface. But one question that I am stuck at right now is while I was talking with this girl, it was evident she didn't talk with many other people about it. When asked, can I talk with a few more of her friends, just as a converstaion, she asked, what will you do about it? You are leaving. Even the last interns who came, they spent so much time with us, and now, they are there and we are here. I am faced with that situation that I used to read in anthropological theories, the power of "leaving the field". The things that I have written about are the daily realities of these people, but perhaps a research exercise for me. I can leave and go back to my cozy reality, where I have power and control in my life, to make my own decisions in all aspects of my life. I can still see the way she turned around, smiled and said, "what will you do? you are leaving".
It is true. What will I do? write a report, gain some experience, and then? While I have gotten a lot out of these people, what have they received from me? The nature of such internships is unbalanced, meant more for the Canadian intern then the organization and the communities they are working with. And when the community members look at me squarely in the eye and ask what will I do, at this moment, I don't have a reply for them.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Hi
Hi everyone,
I am not sure if any of you can actually read my blog. Since I changed my blog name, I have stopped receiving responses from you guys. Are you reading my blog? :(
Right now, I am wrapped in a blanky, sitting alone in my apartment in Keshod and watchign this movie Namastey London. I have had a long day in the field today. Am almost done with data collection now. Just 3 more interviews to get done and one more focus group. In the meanwhile, the translation/transcribing phase has started and jeebus it is so tedious and time consuming. But that's qualitative research for you.
I am really tired right now actually. Was going to sit and do some transcribing but instead thought of uploading some pics. The last festival that we went through here in india is called Utrayan, it's this kite flying festival and I am not sure what it's religious significance is. But I celebrated it by going to a friend's terrace on the 11th floor, flying kites, clicking pics and just enjoying Ahmedabad's view from up on the top. After that, I went to Delhi for two days to give a presentation on my internship at the Shastri institute. The presentation went well and it was also a great opportunity to catch up with what the other interns have been doing during their stay here. I spent some time with my friend Pulin in Delhi and it was lovely. I love his dog!!!! Although the pug is called "Jazz", I want to call him "Happy". For those of you unaware, for years now, I have had a wish to name my dog Happy, and I think i will do just that one day. But seriously, I love this doggy, he is so affectionate and yet so obedient, lovely! mmmmmmm I miss Jazzy now :(
Nonetheless, in Delhi I went to Connaught Place, this very famous, busy shopping place there. While I didn't do any shopping there, being in Delhi again made me realize that I really appreciate living in a place where I get to see different types of people. Where I get to see people of all colours, all shapes and sizes and all walks of life. I really do appreciate that. Now that I think about Victoria especially, it almost seems so bland. I think at this stage in my life, I need a big city to live in. A big busy beautiful city with all sorts of people. Let's see where that takes me.
My internship itself is coming to an end and I have entered my last month in Keshod now. Part of me is excited to move out of Keshod and live in Ahmedabad for a month, but the other half of me is going to miss this place. It gave me an opportunity to learn a few things about myself and show me a whole other side of India, a side that I want to know more about. These days, everything is colliding heads on. My masters application, my work, and the idea of leaving India soon, all are colliding in my head and jumbling up. If today was March 29, I wouldn't want to leave. Part of me doesn't really want to think about coming back just yet. But the other part does look forward to the luxuries of home again. Will keep you uptodated on how I am feeling about that one.
In the meanwhile, I have posted some new pics up again. Here is the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#
For those who are still reading this blog, let me know if you are able to see the pics or not! Till then, hope you are all well and healthy,
Love,
Richa
I am not sure if any of you can actually read my blog. Since I changed my blog name, I have stopped receiving responses from you guys. Are you reading my blog? :(
Right now, I am wrapped in a blanky, sitting alone in my apartment in Keshod and watchign this movie Namastey London. I have had a long day in the field today. Am almost done with data collection now. Just 3 more interviews to get done and one more focus group. In the meanwhile, the translation/transcribing phase has started and jeebus it is so tedious and time consuming. But that's qualitative research for you.
I am really tired right now actually. Was going to sit and do some transcribing but instead thought of uploading some pics. The last festival that we went through here in india is called Utrayan, it's this kite flying festival and I am not sure what it's religious significance is. But I celebrated it by going to a friend's terrace on the 11th floor, flying kites, clicking pics and just enjoying Ahmedabad's view from up on the top. After that, I went to Delhi for two days to give a presentation on my internship at the Shastri institute. The presentation went well and it was also a great opportunity to catch up with what the other interns have been doing during their stay here. I spent some time with my friend Pulin in Delhi and it was lovely. I love his dog!!!! Although the pug is called "Jazz", I want to call him "Happy". For those of you unaware, for years now, I have had a wish to name my dog Happy, and I think i will do just that one day. But seriously, I love this doggy, he is so affectionate and yet so obedient, lovely! mmmmmmm I miss Jazzy now :(
Nonetheless, in Delhi I went to Connaught Place, this very famous, busy shopping place there. While I didn't do any shopping there, being in Delhi again made me realize that I really appreciate living in a place where I get to see different types of people. Where I get to see people of all colours, all shapes and sizes and all walks of life. I really do appreciate that. Now that I think about Victoria especially, it almost seems so bland. I think at this stage in my life, I need a big city to live in. A big busy beautiful city with all sorts of people. Let's see where that takes me.
My internship itself is coming to an end and I have entered my last month in Keshod now. Part of me is excited to move out of Keshod and live in Ahmedabad for a month, but the other half of me is going to miss this place. It gave me an opportunity to learn a few things about myself and show me a whole other side of India, a side that I want to know more about. These days, everything is colliding heads on. My masters application, my work, and the idea of leaving India soon, all are colliding in my head and jumbling up. If today was March 29, I wouldn't want to leave. Part of me doesn't really want to think about coming back just yet. But the other part does look forward to the luxuries of home again. Will keep you uptodated on how I am feeling about that one.
In the meanwhile, I have posted some new pics up again. Here is the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#
For those who are still reading this blog, let me know if you are able to see the pics or not! Till then, hope you are all well and healthy,
Love,
Richa
Friday, January 2, 2009
Happy New Year!
Hi All,
So it's been a while since I wrote my last blog. But to be honest, I just didn't feel like it. Much has happened, but at the moment am happy. Just recently two of my friends came to Keshod and I took them on a little sight seeing tour, mostly beaches. One is Somnath beach, with a temple on it. THis is the second time I went there, and yet again more than the temple itself, I was more amazed by the beach. It was lovely. The other beach, from which most of the pics are from are those taken at Holiday Camp. The water here is very dangerous as the area is extremely rocky with a lot of variation in heights. It's infamous for number of tourists dying who go infor a swim but are sucked in and are unable to pull themselves out of the water. Needless to say, we didn't exactly go for a swim in the water, but we certainly did go on a stroll. This is by far my most favourite place in India as of now. I simply love it.
I have posted up the pics and here is the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#
I have more pics from New Years but they are circulating on my friend's camera, so as soon as I get them, will be passing them on to you soon enough.
Hope you are all doing well and the New Year has started on a positive note!
Love,
Richa
So it's been a while since I wrote my last blog. But to be honest, I just didn't feel like it. Much has happened, but at the moment am happy. Just recently two of my friends came to Keshod and I took them on a little sight seeing tour, mostly beaches. One is Somnath beach, with a temple on it. THis is the second time I went there, and yet again more than the temple itself, I was more amazed by the beach. It was lovely. The other beach, from which most of the pics are from are those taken at Holiday Camp. The water here is very dangerous as the area is extremely rocky with a lot of variation in heights. It's infamous for number of tourists dying who go infor a swim but are sucked in and are unable to pull themselves out of the water. Needless to say, we didn't exactly go for a swim in the water, but we certainly did go on a stroll. This is by far my most favourite place in India as of now. I simply love it.
I have posted up the pics and here is the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#
I have more pics from New Years but they are circulating on my friend's camera, so as soon as I get them, will be passing them on to you soon enough.
Hope you are all doing well and the New Year has started on a positive note!
Love,
Richa
Friday, December 5, 2008
Mumbai, media and the "indian unity"
I have not been able to really sleep last night. At around 2.30 am there were news reports of firing occuring at the Delhi International Airport but when I went on all the TV news channels, there was nothing. I came and checked online and sure enough firings had been reported at the airport and supposedly all the airports accross the country are on high alert due to a hijack threat. 2 days ago, an 8 kg bag filled with RDX was found at the train station in Mumbai. But this was not reported on any of the tv channels. There were 10 bombs planted throughout the whole of Mumbai, or at least 10 KNOWN bombs planted, 9 have been found and defused but somewhere there is still 1 live bomb lying around.
So what is the media covering? Bollywood's reaction to the attacks. Quite literally, one of the news channels invited all the bollywood stars to comment and lament about the situation their country is in. One famous bollywood director, RG Verma and an actor Ritesh Deshmukh (who happens to be the son of the recently resigned ex chief minister of Mumbai) made the rounds of the Taj Hotel with the chief minister upon his first inspection of the site. This led to a massive outcry that RGV is conducting his preliminary research for his next movie in which he will take Ritesh as the actor. This story took on quite a bit of footage on screen until the director had to come on Tv and assure that no, he is not going to make a movie on this. The actor/son of course did not have to give any explanations. It is quite an altogether different story that the same news channel (Aaj Tak) is highly sensationalizing. It broughton all its TV staff together and they of all the people declared war on terror. Again, a NEWS channel declaring their own war on terror. They had a 3 minute pledge on TV and at first I thought this is a bad time for a joke but when I realized they were serious I literally could not stop laughing.
You might say that alright, those are the sensationalizing channels but what of those ones that still are comparatively better. Well, one of the leading Indian journalists Barkha Datta has been forced to comment and justify the media's behaviour during those 60 hours. Those who were doing the live coverage during those 60 hours have been accused by some people and some army/navy chiefs of not following safety protocol, being unsensitive to the hostages who were just released and their families as they tried getting their interviews. The allegations are numerous and if you are curious you check out what Barkha wrote here: http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtv/showcolumns.aspx?id=COLEN20080075194
And what are the politicians doing? Well, they are doing what they are best at. And that is playing politics. When the country was going through those 60 hours, all of them went into hiding. Not one comment anywhere. Yes, the president of the country, Pratibha Patel came on and gave a barely 2 minute TV statement that was worse than pathetic. Yes, we have a female president. But that means absolutely nothing and in infact harmful to a country like India when she is so incredibly inarticulate and lacks all possible credential to be a president. The chief minister of Gujarat, Narendra Modi went to the Oberoi hotel while the hostages were still inside being murdered and declared that he will give Rs. 1 crore ($ 260,000 CAD) to the families of each of the victims. Why this is inappropriate, people are still inside dying, and here is a chief minister (premier) of one state coming into another at an extremely sensitive point and already playing the who can doll out more money to the victims game. His presence was highly criticized and unwelcome. After the attacks, when the politicians were going out to victim's families homes, they were literally shunned. People were closing their doors on the faces. One infamous case, the chief minister of Kerala commented on the army officer, a native of Kerala, who died during the fighting, that had it not been for him, not even a dog would go to his families house. He was shunned and not allowed inside. There was some "outcry" that he needs to apologize but I believe that story has lost its retail sale value now. The day after the attacks, another minister stated that in a city like Mumbai, these "incidences" occur, so not exactly a big deal. I believe he was forced to resign. And so did the Indian home minister, and the chief minister of Maharashtra (the state Mumbai is in).
And what of the people? Well, those 60 hours it seems the entire country had paused for some time. I was sick during those days so all I was doing in my waking hours was watching tv news channels, reading newspapers and going online to read whatever news i could. The attacks started on Wednesday night and we thought, alright by morning things might be under control. To everyone's dismay, the morning came and went and things were still going in full gear even on Thursday night. 2 nights had passed by. I was up till 3.30 am on Friday morning watching the news until I couldn't stay up anymore. I went to bed hoping that this will be over when I wake up in the morning. It wasn't. 7.30 am and it was still going on. At 8 am Friday morning reports starting coming in that the last operation at Taj Hotel is over and they are doing a final combing operation. During these 60 hours, it was almost surreal to see what was happening. It seemed like a movie that has dragged on and on and on but you just can't look away. In the aftermath, when the casualty figures started pouring in, the country was waking up, in shock, in rage, in anger, and in grief. People wanted answers and all fingers were pointing towards the politicians to provide answers. "No politics please" ran news channels themes. Yes some fingers were also pointing towards the failure of the Indian bureacratic system as well as the failure of the indian intelligent services. People were gathering together and all started talking about how the terrorists have not won because India is still united. There were massive peace marches, 2 minutes of silence, flags were guarded, people were chanting slogans and wearing white. The major muslim organizations in Mumbai declared that the slain terrorists' dead bodies will not receive burial room in their cemetaries. There are 7 muslim cemetaries and none of them will be letting the bodies in. (This declaration has led to massive internet discussion rooms on what should be done with these bodies and the suggestions vary from digging a shallow pit, putting the naked bodies inside with pig intestines and blood to rot, to butchering them and displaying this on national tv to instill some fear etc etc. People's imaginations are running wild). The police at the moment is wondering what to do with the bodies and hasnt come up with solutions yet I think. Not to mention, major hostile feelings towards Pakistan right now. Many people are itching to just go and bomb Pakistan, declare war and bomb them until they hand over India's most wanted men who are said to be residing in Pakistan. The one captured terrorist, a young boy of 21 years age has stated that they were all trained in camps in Pakistan, and the men who trained them were ex-Pakistani army officers. While the pakistani government maintains that it is outrageous and "ridiculous" for the Indian govnt to point fingers at Pakistan, many Pakistanis are getting hostile themselves that why are they being blamed for this. Finger pointing, hostility and rising tensions. While the Indian government is currently not declaring war against Pakistan, I won't be surprised if that day is near.
In all this finger pointing, I feel angry at the Indian people. Before pointing fingers elsewhere, first look at yourself. This country is so ridiculously divided in so many ways that it is difficult to even begin. While Mumbaikaars can stand side by side with hotshot bollywood actors and chant that India is united and terrorists have not won, where the hell was this declaration of unity when bomb blasts were going off throughout the rest of the entire country during this year. Delhi, Jaipur, Bangalore, Ahmedabad, Surat and yes Mumbai. Did people not die in these attacks? So why was this outcry of unity not visible then? Was it because "only" 10-15 or 20 people died in each of these cities? Was it because that the areas where the bombs were placed were in the poorer/older parts of the cities, and the people who died were poor? So perhaps their lives have lesser value? When all these attacks occur in the other cities, it is easy for the middle class outrage to distance themselves and say "very bad very bad, what will become of India". I think at that point what they feel is that alright, these bomb blasts can only and usually take place in older parts of the city, at least it's not blowing up in my neighborhood, me and my family are safe na? But the moment a bomb blows up in Oberoi or Taj, all hell breaks lose perhaps because the realization comes in that if these elite areas are not safe, then they are definitely not safe. They can no longer afford to distance themselves from terror, they can no longer remain desensitized to it. Yes people died at the Taj and the Oberoi, but so did people at the CST (train station) but the media coverage was not nearly as extensive here compared to those at the hotels. Why?
I guess like any disaster, this one has also shown the good and bad side of the Indian polity. Divisions in government, in media in bureaucracy and the biggest menace of all, the divisions among the people themselves have weakened this country to a point where the same old story of divide and conquer keeps repeating over and over again. So in the meantime, I refuse to buy the whole "India is united" rhetoric. The day when the streets are flooded with people, protesting and organizing peace rallies for those people dying in bomb blasts in smaller cities in poorer areas is the day I will start reconsidering my stance. While writing this, I do not demean the lives that were lost during this attack. They were equally precious and every life lost to such senseless attacks is a heinous crime that must be condemned. My frustation and anger emerges when this national and international condemnation comes ONLY when the lives of 22 foreigners and other elite Indians or army officers are lost. When a historic hotel like Taj is blown up as opposed to a crowded market in Old ahmedabad. Why are people not outraged then? Where is the Indian unity calling for action then?
So what is the media covering? Bollywood's reaction to the attacks. Quite literally, one of the news channels invited all the bollywood stars to comment and lament about the situation their country is in. One famous bollywood director, RG Verma and an actor Ritesh Deshmukh (who happens to be the son of the recently resigned ex chief minister of Mumbai) made the rounds of the Taj Hotel with the chief minister upon his first inspection of the site. This led to a massive outcry that RGV is conducting his preliminary research for his next movie in which he will take Ritesh as the actor. This story took on quite a bit of footage on screen until the director had to come on Tv and assure that no, he is not going to make a movie on this. The actor/son of course did not have to give any explanations. It is quite an altogether different story that the same news channel (Aaj Tak) is highly sensationalizing. It broughton all its TV staff together and they of all the people declared war on terror. Again, a NEWS channel declaring their own war on terror. They had a 3 minute pledge on TV and at first I thought this is a bad time for a joke but when I realized they were serious I literally could not stop laughing.
You might say that alright, those are the sensationalizing channels but what of those ones that still are comparatively better. Well, one of the leading Indian journalists Barkha Datta has been forced to comment and justify the media's behaviour during those 60 hours. Those who were doing the live coverage during those 60 hours have been accused by some people and some army/navy chiefs of not following safety protocol, being unsensitive to the hostages who were just released and their families as they tried getting their interviews. The allegations are numerous and if you are curious you check out what Barkha wrote here: http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtv/showcolumns.aspx?id=COLEN20080075194
And what are the politicians doing? Well, they are doing what they are best at. And that is playing politics. When the country was going through those 60 hours, all of them went into hiding. Not one comment anywhere. Yes, the president of the country, Pratibha Patel came on and gave a barely 2 minute TV statement that was worse than pathetic. Yes, we have a female president. But that means absolutely nothing and in infact harmful to a country like India when she is so incredibly inarticulate and lacks all possible credential to be a president. The chief minister of Gujarat, Narendra Modi went to the Oberoi hotel while the hostages were still inside being murdered and declared that he will give Rs. 1 crore ($ 260,000 CAD) to the families of each of the victims. Why this is inappropriate, people are still inside dying, and here is a chief minister (premier) of one state coming into another at an extremely sensitive point and already playing the who can doll out more money to the victims game. His presence was highly criticized and unwelcome. After the attacks, when the politicians were going out to victim's families homes, they were literally shunned. People were closing their doors on the faces. One infamous case, the chief minister of Kerala commented on the army officer, a native of Kerala, who died during the fighting, that had it not been for him, not even a dog would go to his families house. He was shunned and not allowed inside. There was some "outcry" that he needs to apologize but I believe that story has lost its retail sale value now. The day after the attacks, another minister stated that in a city like Mumbai, these "incidences" occur, so not exactly a big deal. I believe he was forced to resign. And so did the Indian home minister, and the chief minister of Maharashtra (the state Mumbai is in).
And what of the people? Well, those 60 hours it seems the entire country had paused for some time. I was sick during those days so all I was doing in my waking hours was watching tv news channels, reading newspapers and going online to read whatever news i could. The attacks started on Wednesday night and we thought, alright by morning things might be under control. To everyone's dismay, the morning came and went and things were still going in full gear even on Thursday night. 2 nights had passed by. I was up till 3.30 am on Friday morning watching the news until I couldn't stay up anymore. I went to bed hoping that this will be over when I wake up in the morning. It wasn't. 7.30 am and it was still going on. At 8 am Friday morning reports starting coming in that the last operation at Taj Hotel is over and they are doing a final combing operation. During these 60 hours, it was almost surreal to see what was happening. It seemed like a movie that has dragged on and on and on but you just can't look away. In the aftermath, when the casualty figures started pouring in, the country was waking up, in shock, in rage, in anger, and in grief. People wanted answers and all fingers were pointing towards the politicians to provide answers. "No politics please" ran news channels themes. Yes some fingers were also pointing towards the failure of the Indian bureacratic system as well as the failure of the indian intelligent services. People were gathering together and all started talking about how the terrorists have not won because India is still united. There were massive peace marches, 2 minutes of silence, flags were guarded, people were chanting slogans and wearing white. The major muslim organizations in Mumbai declared that the slain terrorists' dead bodies will not receive burial room in their cemetaries. There are 7 muslim cemetaries and none of them will be letting the bodies in. (This declaration has led to massive internet discussion rooms on what should be done with these bodies and the suggestions vary from digging a shallow pit, putting the naked bodies inside with pig intestines and blood to rot, to butchering them and displaying this on national tv to instill some fear etc etc. People's imaginations are running wild). The police at the moment is wondering what to do with the bodies and hasnt come up with solutions yet I think. Not to mention, major hostile feelings towards Pakistan right now. Many people are itching to just go and bomb Pakistan, declare war and bomb them until they hand over India's most wanted men who are said to be residing in Pakistan. The one captured terrorist, a young boy of 21 years age has stated that they were all trained in camps in Pakistan, and the men who trained them were ex-Pakistani army officers. While the pakistani government maintains that it is outrageous and "ridiculous" for the Indian govnt to point fingers at Pakistan, many Pakistanis are getting hostile themselves that why are they being blamed for this. Finger pointing, hostility and rising tensions. While the Indian government is currently not declaring war against Pakistan, I won't be surprised if that day is near.
In all this finger pointing, I feel angry at the Indian people. Before pointing fingers elsewhere, first look at yourself. This country is so ridiculously divided in so many ways that it is difficult to even begin. While Mumbaikaars can stand side by side with hotshot bollywood actors and chant that India is united and terrorists have not won, where the hell was this declaration of unity when bomb blasts were going off throughout the rest of the entire country during this year. Delhi, Jaipur, Bangalore, Ahmedabad, Surat and yes Mumbai. Did people not die in these attacks? So why was this outcry of unity not visible then? Was it because "only" 10-15 or 20 people died in each of these cities? Was it because that the areas where the bombs were placed were in the poorer/older parts of the cities, and the people who died were poor? So perhaps their lives have lesser value? When all these attacks occur in the other cities, it is easy for the middle class outrage to distance themselves and say "very bad very bad, what will become of India". I think at that point what they feel is that alright, these bomb blasts can only and usually take place in older parts of the city, at least it's not blowing up in my neighborhood, me and my family are safe na? But the moment a bomb blows up in Oberoi or Taj, all hell breaks lose perhaps because the realization comes in that if these elite areas are not safe, then they are definitely not safe. They can no longer afford to distance themselves from terror, they can no longer remain desensitized to it. Yes people died at the Taj and the Oberoi, but so did people at the CST (train station) but the media coverage was not nearly as extensive here compared to those at the hotels. Why?
I guess like any disaster, this one has also shown the good and bad side of the Indian polity. Divisions in government, in media in bureaucracy and the biggest menace of all, the divisions among the people themselves have weakened this country to a point where the same old story of divide and conquer keeps repeating over and over again. So in the meantime, I refuse to buy the whole "India is united" rhetoric. The day when the streets are flooded with people, protesting and organizing peace rallies for those people dying in bomb blasts in smaller cities in poorer areas is the day I will start reconsidering my stance. While writing this, I do not demean the lives that were lost during this attack. They were equally precious and every life lost to such senseless attacks is a heinous crime that must be condemned. My frustation and anger emerges when this national and international condemnation comes ONLY when the lives of 22 foreigners and other elite Indians or army officers are lost. When a historic hotel like Taj is blown up as opposed to a crowded market in Old ahmedabad. Why are people not outraged then? Where is the Indian unity calling for action then?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
a good day
Well, I am ahppy to say that what I wished to do yesterday, I did today. Yesterday, I was in dire need of going out and being surrounded by nature and today I got a chance to do exactly that. I had gone for some fieldwork in a town called Chorvad (as well as a small village called Jarari). 15 minutes ahead of Chorvad lies a place called "Holiday Camp", it's a beach area. In the middle of the day we had some time off, so we took the chance to go visit there and it was totally worth it. It was exactly what I wanted, ocean for as far as the eye could see, nice coconut trees leading up to the beach, blue skies, warm water, a pebbly/shellish/sandish beach and that wind. God I am falling in loving with this wind that I think only India has. It's so pleasant and refreshing. That was a great part of the day.
The rest of the day as well went really good. I am realizing that I really do like interacting with people. I like meeting new people and talking with them about things. Also, I sat in a chagda again today after a long long time. For those of you who have forgotten what a chagda is, it's this motorbike with a lorry attached filled with people. I still very much enjoy riding in a chagda :P
Also, I did another thing that is new to me. Usually when I am travelling back and forth between Keshod and Ahmedabad, I take sleeper buses. Well today, I needed to come back to keshod from a village that was about 25/30 km away (yes I was travelling alone). And I saw this sleeper bus and just asked will it drop me off at Keshod and the driver and his two helpers said yes. So instead of getting a proper seat, I sat with the driver and his helpers by the door right in the front. As a result, what I saw was what the driver sees when they are driving, and it was lovely as the sun was just setting, the sky was a mixture of blues/reds and oranges. And I also realized just how skilled you have to be to be able to drive volvo buses on Indian roads.
Nonetheless, I had a fantastic day today! Hope yours went well as well!
Richa
PS: I have posted some new pics and they are available at:
http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#
The rest of the day as well went really good. I am realizing that I really do like interacting with people. I like meeting new people and talking with them about things. Also, I sat in a chagda again today after a long long time. For those of you who have forgotten what a chagda is, it's this motorbike with a lorry attached filled with people. I still very much enjoy riding in a chagda :P
Also, I did another thing that is new to me. Usually when I am travelling back and forth between Keshod and Ahmedabad, I take sleeper buses. Well today, I needed to come back to keshod from a village that was about 25/30 km away (yes I was travelling alone). And I saw this sleeper bus and just asked will it drop me off at Keshod and the driver and his two helpers said yes. So instead of getting a proper seat, I sat with the driver and his helpers by the door right in the front. As a result, what I saw was what the driver sees when they are driving, and it was lovely as the sun was just setting, the sky was a mixture of blues/reds and oranges. And I also realized just how skilled you have to be to be able to drive volvo buses on Indian roads.
Nonetheless, I had a fantastic day today! Hope yours went well as well!
Richa
PS: I have posted some new pics and they are available at:
http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
be happy keep happy
Wow, I am feeling terribly restless. This is my first entry after the span of two weeks. At the moment I am flooded by this energy, don't know where it came from, but I feel like being surrounded by nature, trees, waterfall, sunlight, clouds, etc etc. Feeling very odd, but in a good way. For days now I have been contemplating writing another blog but couldn't decide what I wanted to write it on. Well, here I am sitting in office, listening to songs, just finished drinking chai and am writing whatever is coming to mind.
For the last two weeks, I was in Ahmedabad surrounded by friends and family and it was a very nice stay. Yes i did get sick, but I was with people that could give me comfort and company, and that was well worth it. My work has stalled but it will pick up now, I will make it pick up ;) Right now, there is an image in my mind that is being blocked off. But I don't know, will try to share it.
As i said, I feel like being out with nature right now rather than being in this room. I am feeling terribly restless, like I want to do something but I don't know what to do. I want to go by the beach, with warm water, take pictures, breathe in the fresh air and just enjoy the wind. Woooooooooooow. I would really like that. Plus, it would be great if there is some kind of music going on in the background. I have been getting a lot of music lately, and I am enjoying most of it.
Lately, I feel like being happy. I am doing well I think. I think the trick to being well and keeping happy is to smile and then others around you automatically also start smiling. Be happy and keep happy?
And now one small anecdote that at least made me smile, or rather laugh. This time around when I came in bus from Ahmedabad to Keshod, I was really really sl
eepy and the bus arrived in Keshod at 6.30 in the morning. I had told the bus driver to stop at a certain point but he went past that, so I had to yell at him to stop stop. Finally he did, and I got off the bus. I had been walking for two minutes at this point when I finally realized that something was missing. Yup, I had left my big bag in the bus. After the initial round of swearing curses, the first thought that came to my mind (no joke) was "SHIT! my earrings!!!" And for those of you who know my love for junk earrings would understand this. My one and only fashion accessory, of which I have 40 something pairs, years and years of hard work, gone in the bus. The thought of that was too much to bare, and got me thinking. So I made a few phone calls, the bus company made a few phone calls, the bus driver made a few phone calls, and then he stopped and I ran. I ran to catch my bag and then heaved a sigh of relief, HURRAH THE EARRINGS ARE SAFE! Anyway, moral of the story, don't put all your eggs in one basket (dont put all your earrings in one bag).
I have much to say about the Mumbai bomb blasts as well, but at the moment, I need more time to sort out my feelings regarding them. As well be in the right frame of mind. Till then, take care all. Keep smiling ;)
Love
For the last two weeks, I was in Ahmedabad surrounded by friends and family and it was a very nice stay. Yes i did get sick, but I was with people that could give me comfort and company, and that was well worth it. My work has stalled but it will pick up now, I will make it pick up ;) Right now, there is an image in my mind that is being blocked off. But I don't know, will try to share it.
As i said, I feel like being out with nature right now rather than being in this room. I am feeling terribly restless, like I want to do something but I don't know what to do. I want to go by the beach, with warm water, take pictures, breathe in the fresh air and just enjoy the wind. Woooooooooooow. I would really like that. Plus, it would be great if there is some kind of music going on in the background. I have been getting a lot of music lately, and I am enjoying most of it.
Lately, I feel like being happy. I am doing well I think. I think the trick to being well and keeping happy is to smile and then others around you automatically also start smiling. Be happy and keep happy?
And now one small anecdote that at least made me smile, or rather laugh. This time around when I came in bus from Ahmedabad to Keshod, I was really really sl
eepy and the bus arrived in Keshod at 6.30 in the morning. I had told the bus driver to stop at a certain point but he went past that, so I had to yell at him to stop stop. Finally he did, and I got off the bus. I had been walking for two minutes at this point when I finally realized that something was missing. Yup, I had left my big bag in the bus. After the initial round of swearing curses, the first thought that came to my mind (no joke) was "SHIT! my earrings!!!" And for those of you who know my love for junk earrings would understand this. My one and only fashion accessory, of which I have 40 something pairs, years and years of hard work, gone in the bus. The thought of that was too much to bare, and got me thinking. So I made a few phone calls, the bus company made a few phone calls, the bus driver made a few phone calls, and then he stopped and I ran. I ran to catch my bag and then heaved a sigh of relief, HURRAH THE EARRINGS ARE SAFE! Anyway, moral of the story, don't put all your eggs in one basket (dont put all your earrings in one bag).
I have much to say about the Mumbai bomb blasts as well, but at the moment, I need more time to sort out my feelings regarding them. As well be in the right frame of mind. Till then, take care all. Keep smiling ;)
Love
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Ranting
For those of you unaware, the last one month has actually been a very emotionally exhaustive one. I was caught in tangles of relationships that have now severed. Yes it did hurt quite a bit, I went throught bouts of loneliness, confusion, not necessarily anger towards anyone else but just frustration at my lack of clarity, sadness, torn and guilt. I think tonight I have let go of all of that. Or at least realized I want to let go of all those emotions. I think it is time to accept that for a long time now, I kept hiding behind people. I started adopting other people's ways of thinking and opinions and started expressing them as mine, a sort of plagiarism in life. While I just stepped out of hiding behind one person, another has come in waiting to be let in. But I want a pause. I think it is high time I stop hiding behind other people. You know, many times I have heard "be selfish" and I myself have said that many times, but saying it and doing it are two entirely different things. Being selfish, being guilt free, being free, unattached and at times alone. Tonight, as I write this I want to be at that stage. For a change now, I think it is time to think of just me, not me and anyone else, just plain old me.
I think in trying to be honest with others, I stopped being honest with myself. That's a point of trouble. I want to feel what I feel without feeling guilty about it, I want to do what I do without having to explain or justify my actions or inactions. I have come to realize that yes, I have made many mistakes in my so short life so far. But I don't regret them. I have done what I have felt like doing in the moment. Sometimes doing that has worked in my favour and sometimes it has ended up badly or not in my favour. But I don't regret my actions. The catch is though, in this not-regretting-anything business, is taking responsibility of the consequences of my actions. To take responsibility and to learn from my mistakes. That's a skill that can take a lifetime, but at least I realize I need to learn it.
So what have I learnt now? I have just started feeling this sensation of focusing on just me. I have learnt and seen what happens when "I" gets lost in a "we" and I have seen that sometimes you need a strong kick in the ass to start seeing yourself again. I have learnt it is hard to be completely honest with yourself, mostly because sometimes you don't want to see your dark selfish side, you don't want to believe that you as an individual have the capability and the capacity to hurt another person. But the truth is, we all do and we all have at some point or other have hurt someone dear and close to us. Maybe the sooner we accept this, the easier things become in terms of accepting our flaws and failures, taking responsibility and living for ourselves rather than anyone else. I have also learnt the importance of dreams. If you have been following my blog, you willl understand that I see horrible dreams. Why? Perhaps I was too scared to see something good for myself. Many times we consider ourselves undeserving or unworthy of the love and attention we get. I do so as a defense mechanism so that the love and attention does not go to my head and make me cocky. But that defense also blocks out the good dreams. I want to start dreaming good things again.
But that requires a change in my thinking. A complete change. Not of what if's and but's, but of certainty and strenght. I will not be afraid to see happy dreams. Whether my dreams turn into a reality or not, I do not know. But perhaps the point is not that. Maybe the point is in dreaming itself. Having the courage and the strenght to see and visualize something just for me, something that I can close my eyes and I can feel I have achieved my dreams. Earlier, I kept looking everywhere, outside and inside ofme for clarity. But the thing is, clarity was always there within me. But I had muted its voice. Perhaps of fear of being alone, of hurting someone else, of guilt or whatever. But the voice of clarity was there all along. It's just that I didn't pay attention to it because my heart and mind were muffled by everyone else's voices. Now those voices have ceased, or I have pushed them away. It is time to find and listen to my own voice and I am happy to be there, am at peace with that.
I think in trying to be honest with others, I stopped being honest with myself. That's a point of trouble. I want to feel what I feel without feeling guilty about it, I want to do what I do without having to explain or justify my actions or inactions. I have come to realize that yes, I have made many mistakes in my so short life so far. But I don't regret them. I have done what I have felt like doing in the moment. Sometimes doing that has worked in my favour and sometimes it has ended up badly or not in my favour. But I don't regret my actions. The catch is though, in this not-regretting-anything business, is taking responsibility of the consequences of my actions. To take responsibility and to learn from my mistakes. That's a skill that can take a lifetime, but at least I realize I need to learn it.
So what have I learnt now? I have just started feeling this sensation of focusing on just me. I have learnt and seen what happens when "I" gets lost in a "we" and I have seen that sometimes you need a strong kick in the ass to start seeing yourself again. I have learnt it is hard to be completely honest with yourself, mostly because sometimes you don't want to see your dark selfish side, you don't want to believe that you as an individual have the capability and the capacity to hurt another person. But the truth is, we all do and we all have at some point or other have hurt someone dear and close to us. Maybe the sooner we accept this, the easier things become in terms of accepting our flaws and failures, taking responsibility and living for ourselves rather than anyone else. I have also learnt the importance of dreams. If you have been following my blog, you willl understand that I see horrible dreams. Why? Perhaps I was too scared to see something good for myself. Many times we consider ourselves undeserving or unworthy of the love and attention we get. I do so as a defense mechanism so that the love and attention does not go to my head and make me cocky. But that defense also blocks out the good dreams. I want to start dreaming good things again.
But that requires a change in my thinking. A complete change. Not of what if's and but's, but of certainty and strenght. I will not be afraid to see happy dreams. Whether my dreams turn into a reality or not, I do not know. But perhaps the point is not that. Maybe the point is in dreaming itself. Having the courage and the strenght to see and visualize something just for me, something that I can close my eyes and I can feel I have achieved my dreams. Earlier, I kept looking everywhere, outside and inside ofme for clarity. But the thing is, clarity was always there within me. But I had muted its voice. Perhaps of fear of being alone, of hurting someone else, of guilt or whatever. But the voice of clarity was there all along. It's just that I didn't pay attention to it because my heart and mind were muffled by everyone else's voices. Now those voices have ceased, or I have pushed them away. It is time to find and listen to my own voice and I am happy to be there, am at peace with that.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Wedding and bday pics
Hi all,
As promised, just uploaded a whole bunch of pics on Picassa from the wedding and my brief trip to Ahmedabad again.
Here is the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#
I am kind of feeling blah right now. My work has stalled considerably, I am carrying a flu since more than 2 weeks now and my mind just wants to shut down. Perhaps I will do that for a while now.
So will keep this entry short. Hope you are all well, and keep in touch!
Love
As promised, just uploaded a whole bunch of pics on Picassa from the wedding and my brief trip to Ahmedabad again.
Here is the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#
I am kind of feeling blah right now. My work has stalled considerably, I am carrying a flu since more than 2 weeks now and my mind just wants to shut down. Perhaps I will do that for a while now.
So will keep this entry short. Hope you are all well, and keep in touch!
Love
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Sickness, weddings and lethargy
Hi all,
Writing after a week now. I was sick earlier last week and literally slept for at least 30 something hours in 2 days. On Friday night, I took a bus from Keshod and went to Ahmedabad from where I had to catch a flight to Delhi at 10.20 am. I went to a small city called Faridabad (near Delhi) to attend my cousin sister's wedding. Disclaimer now: I do have pics but will be posting them up by the end of the week on Picasso, so stay posted! The wedding was good fun. But I think more than anything related to the wedding itself, I really just appreciated spending time with my cousin sis and brother as well as my parents whom I was seeing after 2 months. There are parts of an Indian wedding that are really quite sweet and fun, but to be honest, most of the rest I find quite tedious. I have seen 4 Indian weddings now in quite a bit of detail now and I feel like everybody just ends up being exhausted, the bride and groom and all the family members or the organization party. I think this exhaustion definetely refers to the physical exhuastion itself, but also the mental and emotional exhaustion that comes from looking after everyone's needs, trying to please people and making sure people are satisfied. I perhaps am not articulating this as well as I can. Nonetheless, the more Indian weddings I attend, the more convinced I get not to have one for myself. It's too much. I do have an image of what kind of wedding would be fun to have, but I won't get into the details now. All I can say is, keep it short, sweet and simple, just like me :P (haw haw haw, I know, pj).
On a different note, my parents are coming to Ahmedabad for a few days later on this week, so will be making another extremely short trip to Abad. I have been travelling a lot recently, and am actually pretty fine with it. The only problem is I usually end up getting a little sick. It's just this stupid cold/flu that caught a hold of me last week quite badly, and hasn't let go ever since. So in general, I am in a pretty lethargic mood, just feel like lying around and reading a novel. I probably will do that soon enough.
For those of you who would understand, I suddenly wish I was sitting in Mr.Hill's class just listening and gorging over English literature and critizing it ovr the bullshit meter. For those unaware, mr. Hill was my English teacher in highschool and my bigggessstttt crush over those 5 years :p AAhhh...I am thinking now is the time to lie down, have a novel in hand, and dream about Mr. Hill's room no.14 talking about English literature and life. Lovely eh?
Love
Writing after a week now. I was sick earlier last week and literally slept for at least 30 something hours in 2 days. On Friday night, I took a bus from Keshod and went to Ahmedabad from where I had to catch a flight to Delhi at 10.20 am. I went to a small city called Faridabad (near Delhi) to attend my cousin sister's wedding. Disclaimer now: I do have pics but will be posting them up by the end of the week on Picasso, so stay posted! The wedding was good fun. But I think more than anything related to the wedding itself, I really just appreciated spending time with my cousin sis and brother as well as my parents whom I was seeing after 2 months. There are parts of an Indian wedding that are really quite sweet and fun, but to be honest, most of the rest I find quite tedious. I have seen 4 Indian weddings now in quite a bit of detail now and I feel like everybody just ends up being exhausted, the bride and groom and all the family members or the organization party. I think this exhaustion definetely refers to the physical exhuastion itself, but also the mental and emotional exhaustion that comes from looking after everyone's needs, trying to please people and making sure people are satisfied. I perhaps am not articulating this as well as I can. Nonetheless, the more Indian weddings I attend, the more convinced I get not to have one for myself. It's too much. I do have an image of what kind of wedding would be fun to have, but I won't get into the details now. All I can say is, keep it short, sweet and simple, just like me :P (haw haw haw, I know, pj).
On a different note, my parents are coming to Ahmedabad for a few days later on this week, so will be making another extremely short trip to Abad. I have been travelling a lot recently, and am actually pretty fine with it. The only problem is I usually end up getting a little sick. It's just this stupid cold/flu that caught a hold of me last week quite badly, and hasn't let go ever since. So in general, I am in a pretty lethargic mood, just feel like lying around and reading a novel. I probably will do that soon enough.
For those of you who would understand, I suddenly wish I was sitting in Mr.Hill's class just listening and gorging over English literature and critizing it ovr the bullshit meter. For those unaware, mr. Hill was my English teacher in highschool and my bigggessstttt crush over those 5 years :p AAhhh...I am thinking now is the time to lie down, have a novel in hand, and dream about Mr. Hill's room no.14 talking about English literature and life. Lovely eh?
Love
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Daman
Hi all,
Last week I had gone to a port city called Daman with my uncle and his family. It was a pretty nice trip (albeit we didn't exactly catch a lot of sleep). The thing is, Gujarat is a dry state = consumption of alcohol is banned. Of course, it has a very strong illegal presence throughout the state. Nonetheless, you won't find any drunkard on the street. However, Daman is not within Gujarat and so all the Gujaratis rush over to Daman and other such places every chance they get to drink up. So did we ;) (Just kidding). We went there to see the beaches, the world's second largest dam that falls on the way to Daman (Sardar Sarovar Dam), and just relax. There are two Daman, a small Daman and a big Daman. Small Daman is the commercial area with the tonnes of restaurants and tourists and markets. Big Daman is the residential area that has beautiful old architecture and is peaceful, clean and very green. I don't have pics to show you the comparison between the two. Nonetheless, I definitely enjoyed Big Daman (Mota daman) a lot more than small daman (Nani daman). The food also was amazing. If you don't remember, let me remind you that getting non-vegetarian food in Keshod is difficult, especially in the area where I live in as the neighborhood is for the Patel caste, who do not even say the word "egg" out loud. So of course, when I went to Daman we pigged out on all the tandoori fish we could get hold of. Every meal consisted of chicken and fish and it was absolutely worth it. Tandoori fish is something I can keep eating again and again and again. I think it's even better than tandoori chicken. Anyway, I had a good time over those 3 days and I do have the pics, (see the link below). Btw, apologies for the unorganized nature of the pics now. It's a real hassle to upload pics on my slow connection, so I am just dumping them all in one folder on Picassa. I am sure you can still make sense of them.
I am ready to leave for Delhi again tomorrow for my cousin's wedding. I will be gone for a few days, but will be back with a few more stories and a few more pics. Till then take care.
Love
Link to pics: http://picasaweb.google.ca/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#
As always let me know if you can't open it.
Last week I had gone to a port city called Daman with my uncle and his family. It was a pretty nice trip (albeit we didn't exactly catch a lot of sleep). The thing is, Gujarat is a dry state = consumption of alcohol is banned. Of course, it has a very strong illegal presence throughout the state. Nonetheless, you won't find any drunkard on the street. However, Daman is not within Gujarat and so all the Gujaratis rush over to Daman and other such places every chance they get to drink up. So did we ;) (Just kidding). We went there to see the beaches, the world's second largest dam that falls on the way to Daman (Sardar Sarovar Dam), and just relax. There are two Daman, a small Daman and a big Daman. Small Daman is the commercial area with the tonnes of restaurants and tourists and markets. Big Daman is the residential area that has beautiful old architecture and is peaceful, clean and very green. I don't have pics to show you the comparison between the two. Nonetheless, I definitely enjoyed Big Daman (Mota daman) a lot more than small daman (Nani daman). The food also was amazing. If you don't remember, let me remind you that getting non-vegetarian food in Keshod is difficult, especially in the area where I live in as the neighborhood is for the Patel caste, who do not even say the word "egg" out loud. So of course, when I went to Daman we pigged out on all the tandoori fish we could get hold of. Every meal consisted of chicken and fish and it was absolutely worth it. Tandoori fish is something I can keep eating again and again and again. I think it's even better than tandoori chicken. Anyway, I had a good time over those 3 days and I do have the pics, (see the link below). Btw, apologies for the unorganized nature of the pics now. It's a real hassle to upload pics on my slow connection, so I am just dumping them all in one folder on Picassa. I am sure you can still make sense of them.
I am ready to leave for Delhi again tomorrow for my cousin's wedding. I will be gone for a few days, but will be back with a few more stories and a few more pics. Till then take care.
Love
Link to pics: http://picasaweb.google.ca/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#
As always let me know if you can't open it.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Dreams
I have been an avid dreamer for years now. Perhaps it was after 11th that I really started seeing vivid dreams. I remember the first just dream I saw was seeing my own funeral. My body was being cremated and my soul or whatever you want to call it was floating above it watching the procession. Since then death has been a very recurring theme in my dream. Some of the more memorable death related dream has been that my hands have been chopped off, that I am eating ashes of the dead with a Muslim priest sitting beside me at the Pyramid in front of the MacLaurin building at the UVic campus. In my darkest moments, I see a woman dressed in black, with wild hair and a tilak made of ashes on her forehead. She has blood shot red eyes and she just stares at me, trying to intimidate me and scare me. In times of greatest distress, she comes and stays. Sometimes comes and lies down beside me. But the thing is, she ceases to make me afraid. If and when she comes, I tell her she is just a figment of my imagination, all my stress and darkest thoughts manifested in this one black ball of a witch, who is there because I have created her. Sometimes if I look at her face closely enough, she resembles me. And that reminds me, I have created this fear.
I am not sure why but I cannot remember the last time when I truly saw a happy dream. Throughout my years at UVic, these dreams got more vivid, sometimes more scarier, more absurd and at times I couldn’t make any sense of them. People tell me that these dreams might be a result of hiding something in yourself. Not speaking up about things that I need to speak about. Perhaps. Some tell me to not pay attention to these dreams, just let them be. But the thing is, I think my dreams are a way for my mind to show me clarity. To indicate things that I cannot see and make sense of consciously. Nightmarish and ghastly they maybe, but they are mine. At times I cannot wait to get up and sometimes I run in the dream and force myself to wake up. At other times, I am just an observer in my dream, not taking any action, but just being and seeing and letting things happen to me. Perhaps the one place where my dreams irritate me is when I start seeing these ghastly things about other people, those around me. That is when I feel helpless. My dreams can do things to me and I am ok with that. But I don’t understand why they do those things to my close ones. Sometimes they act as a premonition. I saw a terrible dream about a friend, but two days later, I received a positive and encouraging email from her telling me to keep going. But why did I have to see a bad dream about her? I don’t know. People tell me don’t let your dreams affect you like they do. But why should I not? In fact I do. I cannot reject and run away from these dreams. As I said, they are mine. And I think they are a way for my screwed up and perpetually confused mind to tell me things I otherwise don’t understand. A few years ago, I saw a horrifying dream about cannibalism, a baby was being weighed like some form of a meat at a butcher shop for sale, I went in a basement and it was filled with human carcasses hung upside down, bloody and some chopped, ready to be consumed for gluttony. I stopped eating meat for 2 years after that dream. Sometimes I wonder till when these dreams will follow me. Sometimes I wonder when will I see that perfect happy dream that makes you wake up with a smile or not wake up at all but just keep dreaming and stay in your dreamland. Or if that will come at all.
I am not sure why but I cannot remember the last time when I truly saw a happy dream. Throughout my years at UVic, these dreams got more vivid, sometimes more scarier, more absurd and at times I couldn’t make any sense of them. People tell me that these dreams might be a result of hiding something in yourself. Not speaking up about things that I need to speak about. Perhaps. Some tell me to not pay attention to these dreams, just let them be. But the thing is, I think my dreams are a way for my mind to show me clarity. To indicate things that I cannot see and make sense of consciously. Nightmarish and ghastly they maybe, but they are mine. At times I cannot wait to get up and sometimes I run in the dream and force myself to wake up. At other times, I am just an observer in my dream, not taking any action, but just being and seeing and letting things happen to me. Perhaps the one place where my dreams irritate me is when I start seeing these ghastly things about other people, those around me. That is when I feel helpless. My dreams can do things to me and I am ok with that. But I don’t understand why they do those things to my close ones. Sometimes they act as a premonition. I saw a terrible dream about a friend, but two days later, I received a positive and encouraging email from her telling me to keep going. But why did I have to see a bad dream about her? I don’t know. People tell me don’t let your dreams affect you like they do. But why should I not? In fact I do. I cannot reject and run away from these dreams. As I said, they are mine. And I think they are a way for my screwed up and perpetually confused mind to tell me things I otherwise don’t understand. A few years ago, I saw a horrifying dream about cannibalism, a baby was being weighed like some form of a meat at a butcher shop for sale, I went in a basement and it was filled with human carcasses hung upside down, bloody and some chopped, ready to be consumed for gluttony. I stopped eating meat for 2 years after that dream. Sometimes I wonder till when these dreams will follow me. Sometimes I wonder when will I see that perfect happy dream that makes you wake up with a smile or not wake up at all but just keep dreaming and stay in your dreamland. Or if that will come at all.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Happy Diwali!
So I finally celebrated my first Diwali in Ahmedabad in 10 years! It was quite the experience. The night before Diwali I spent at Komal’s house where her mom was busy making Diwali snacks till literally 2 in the morning. We three were seating in the kitchen, she was cooking and Komal was helping her as well as putting mehndi on my hands. After that, Komal and I were up til 4 am, talking away about things you don’t need to know ;). Nonetheless, the next morning I was up by 9 am and reached at my uncle’s place where we got ready and then went over to my aunt’s house. There we ate and ate and ate pani puri and stuffed myself to the brim. Once I got home, I needed to do some packing and then at 4 pm, I went out with Mervyn (one of my supervisors in Keshod, he was also in Ahmedabad celebrating Diwali with his family). So then another round of food eating starting, and holy jeebus, 2 cups of ice cream, vada pau (this potato sandwich thing) and a very tall soda type drink in Barista. It was fun, we had a good chat and got to roam around a few streets of Ahmedabad that I had never been on before and a few places that I have had interesting experiences at. Nonetheless, upon my return, got changed for the third or fourth time in the day, had dinner again!, and sat for the Diwali pooja prayer and then went over to another uncle-aunt’s house where we all lit some firecrackers. We didn’t blow any bombs, but we played with rockets, anar, chakri and fulljari. Once again, for those not familiar with these words, these are basically pretty looking firecrackers, just google it you might get a sample of what it is. OHHH, and I forgot to mention, but during diwalis, we light up the entire house with light. We use diyas- little clay pots, put oil in them and then soak a cotton strand in the oil and light that. It looks beautiful. Along with the diyas, my cousin and I made rangoli. Rangoli is basically any design made out of power colours and you create these during Diwali to decorate your house. They can be made on the floor. The pic attached shows what Rohan and I created together. This was the first time for both of us and it was fun! We were pretty slow at it, took us about 2 hours to make this, but still it was worthwhile. Btw, I wish I could say that the design was a creation of our imaginations, but no, it’s actually made with the help of a stencil. But we still filled in the colour ourselves!!
After the fireworks, we drove around the city a bit and went for some roadside coffee. The entire city is lit up during this time, people want to have fun. What’s really amazing though is the fireworks. I didn’t know whether to be in awe of them or be scared of them. Well, I was both. Awe because there is such a large variety and there are fireworks going on across the entire city and the sky is literally lit up any direction you see. Scared because some people are ridiculously stupid in how they want to enjoy the fireworks. Many people would light up little mini bombs in the middle of the street where cars, cows, and two-wheelers (bikes/scooters) are going by. Many times people light a bomb in their hand and just chuck it. Other times, people go in the middle of the road and set up an entire box load of those big fireworks (like the ones we see during the firework festival in August) and just set them off. In a few buildings across from us, we could see that a group of people were standing on the terrace, lighting hand rockets and just chucking them downwards towards the road, towards moving vehicles and people. Forget being on a two-wheeler, even driving in a car is adsljfasldjfldsjfsdfds. You better be a skilled driver and know your fireworks to be able to tell when something is lit or not, be ready to swerve your car at the last moment, just really really tricky. Anyway, my night ended at 1.30 am with the balcony door open and the sounds and lights of fireworks enveloping my room. I woke up really early the next morning, around 6.00 am, again to the sounds and lights of fireworks because it is new years day. On new years day, people actually started to light the fireworks at 4 am. So imagine you are sleeping and waking to the sounds and lights of fireworks in the style of the August fireworks in Vancouver. Except, instead of one small boat lighting up some firecrackers for 2 hours, imagine, thousands and thousands of people lighting up the entire city sky for an entire night (and many nights before it too) with different styles of fireworks. Hadn’t experienced that in a while, but glad I did now. In any case, happy belated Diwali and hope yours went well if you celebrate it and in case you don’t hope you had a good Oct 28.
Love
PS: LInk to my pics: http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#5262634714816582018
let me know if you can't open it ok?
Love again
After the fireworks, we drove around the city a bit and went for some roadside coffee. The entire city is lit up during this time, people want to have fun. What’s really amazing though is the fireworks. I didn’t know whether to be in awe of them or be scared of them. Well, I was both. Awe because there is such a large variety and there are fireworks going on across the entire city and the sky is literally lit up any direction you see. Scared because some people are ridiculously stupid in how they want to enjoy the fireworks. Many people would light up little mini bombs in the middle of the street where cars, cows, and two-wheelers (bikes/scooters) are going by. Many times people light a bomb in their hand and just chuck it. Other times, people go in the middle of the road and set up an entire box load of those big fireworks (like the ones we see during the firework festival in August) and just set them off. In a few buildings across from us, we could see that a group of people were standing on the terrace, lighting hand rockets and just chucking them downwards towards the road, towards moving vehicles and people. Forget being on a two-wheeler, even driving in a car is adsljfasldjfldsjfsdfds. You better be a skilled driver and know your fireworks to be able to tell when something is lit or not, be ready to swerve your car at the last moment, just really really tricky. Anyway, my night ended at 1.30 am with the balcony door open and the sounds and lights of fireworks enveloping my room. I woke up really early the next morning, around 6.00 am, again to the sounds and lights of fireworks because it is new years day. On new years day, people actually started to light the fireworks at 4 am. So imagine you are sleeping and waking to the sounds and lights of fireworks in the style of the August fireworks in Vancouver. Except, instead of one small boat lighting up some firecrackers for 2 hours, imagine, thousands and thousands of people lighting up the entire city sky for an entire night (and many nights before it too) with different styles of fireworks. Hadn’t experienced that in a while, but glad I did now. In any case, happy belated Diwali and hope yours went well if you celebrate it and in case you don’t hope you had a good Oct 28.
Love
PS: LInk to my pics: http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#5262634714816582018
let me know if you can't open it ok?
Love again
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Ahmedabad
Hi all,
Just reached Ahmedabad this morning at 4.00. Happy to be here during the time of Diwali, finally celebrating it in India after 10 years!! Hope it will be a good one. My train journey was actually really nice. Upon the suggestion of a friend and his love for that particular seat, I thought, sure why not, I took up the lower bunk seat on the side. Now for those not familiar with what the inside of a Indian railway coach looks like, I tried to find some google images for that, but couldnt see annything that would describe this adequately. Anyway, these seats are generally smaller in lenght and a bunk is made when two sitting seats fold together. So everyone was saying those will be uncomfy, but actually it was the most comfy seat that I found so far. And ridiculously, there was more than enough space left both above my head and below my feet. (generally people are not able to stretch out in these seats coz they are short in length, but courtesy my small height, this was not an issue for me). Nonetheless, having a really comfy seat, the fresh wind outside and the stars in the countryside with awesome music in my ipod = a very comfy train ride. And the thing is, when you are lying down, the train shakes you so much, you are literally moving sideways. I was up till 2.40 (making someone else go to sleep) and I caught a nap for an hour or so and then I was up as the train arrived at Ahmedabad junction at 4.00 am.
I am finding I really enjoy the wind here. It is not chilly like the wind there (canada). The wind here is cool and pleasant, something you actually want to enjoy. I have also been seeing a few falling stars in the sky. One when I went to Somnath and the other one yesterday. People say that when you see a falling star, you should make a wish. Well, I did make a wish at Somnath (and no, it hasn't come true yet, when it does I will let you know) but yesterday when I saw that falling star, didn't know what to wish for. I have what I want and what I need. I have choices and options and work, and food, and freedom and water, and time (at the moment mostly for myself), family and friends. Didn't know what else to wish for, so I just watched it fall across the sky and that was beautiful enough in itself.
I am glad to be back in Ahmedabad. Unlike my last trip where I had a few things planned, things I wanted to get done, I have left this trip open-ended. I will take what comes my way, but I am certain about one thing: GOOD FOOD!!!!
I have been trying to post up pics on blog, but it's not working. Will keep trying, but if it doesn't work, then I will figure out another sight for you to access my pics. Till then, hope you are all well. I have been hearing back from a few of you through emails and that has been really great. So keep emailing and keep in touch. Till then,
Love
Just reached Ahmedabad this morning at 4.00. Happy to be here during the time of Diwali, finally celebrating it in India after 10 years!! Hope it will be a good one. My train journey was actually really nice. Upon the suggestion of a friend and his love for that particular seat, I thought, sure why not, I took up the lower bunk seat on the side. Now for those not familiar with what the inside of a Indian railway coach looks like, I tried to find some google images for that, but couldnt see annything that would describe this adequately. Anyway, these seats are generally smaller in lenght and a bunk is made when two sitting seats fold together. So everyone was saying those will be uncomfy, but actually it was the most comfy seat that I found so far. And ridiculously, there was more than enough space left both above my head and below my feet. (generally people are not able to stretch out in these seats coz they are short in length, but courtesy my small height, this was not an issue for me). Nonetheless, having a really comfy seat, the fresh wind outside and the stars in the countryside with awesome music in my ipod = a very comfy train ride. And the thing is, when you are lying down, the train shakes you so much, you are literally moving sideways. I was up till 2.40 (making someone else go to sleep) and I caught a nap for an hour or so and then I was up as the train arrived at Ahmedabad junction at 4.00 am.
I am finding I really enjoy the wind here. It is not chilly like the wind there (canada). The wind here is cool and pleasant, something you actually want to enjoy. I have also been seeing a few falling stars in the sky. One when I went to Somnath and the other one yesterday. People say that when you see a falling star, you should make a wish. Well, I did make a wish at Somnath (and no, it hasn't come true yet, when it does I will let you know) but yesterday when I saw that falling star, didn't know what to wish for. I have what I want and what I need. I have choices and options and work, and food, and freedom and water, and time (at the moment mostly for myself), family and friends. Didn't know what else to wish for, so I just watched it fall across the sky and that was beautiful enough in itself.
I am glad to be back in Ahmedabad. Unlike my last trip where I had a few things planned, things I wanted to get done, I have left this trip open-ended. I will take what comes my way, but I am certain about one thing: GOOD FOOD!!!!
I have been trying to post up pics on blog, but it's not working. Will keep trying, but if it doesn't work, then I will figure out another sight for you to access my pics. Till then, hope you are all well. I have been hearing back from a few of you through emails and that has been really great. So keep emailing and keep in touch. Till then,
Love
Monday, October 20, 2008
cooking, seeing and thinking
Hi Everyone,
First of all, thanks soooo much for the birthday wishes :) Really appreciated them! My day went fairly went. During the day I was at office, but in the evening, Shirin (my supervisor) and I cooked (more like Shirin cooked and I assisted) in making dinner for all of us as Mervyn came over for dinner. It was a lovely feast! And I did made some parathas (different type of bread). Believe it or not, I think I am actually getting better at it. I have been cooking more frequently, and I really hope that by the end of this internship, I can cook at least one entire meal from scratch alone. I am pretty sure that will happen.
Yesterday was Sunday and the day went well. We woke up late, and then started cooking lunch as Mervyn was coming over for lunch. Again, an elaborate meal, which tasted sooooo gooooodd!! We finished lunch by around 3.30 and then got ready and took a bus to Somnath. There is a temple there and a beach there. To get to Somnath, we have to go through this town called Veraval, it's a port town where the people's primary income is through fishing. And holy jeebus, just riding past that town and really, you smell that extremely peculiar and sometimes intolerable fishy smell. I couldn't believe how the people there could get desensitize to it, as it is everywhere! But what amazed me even more were the people who actually do this work and I would imagine that their entire bodies can become consumed by that smell. Nonetheless, by the time we got to Somnath, it was 6.00. We made it just in time for sunset. I was sooo excited to see the ocean after a hiatus of almost 2 months. we ddin't even go in the temple, though it looked pretty good from the outside. I was a lot more satisfied by the ocean around me.
Indian beaches are a different experience all together. The water is warm!! There are camels, horses, dogs, cows, sometimes even donkeys roaming around. Street vendors selling all kinds of awesome awesome food everywhere and lots of people. But you know what? I loved it. If only Victoria beaches were like this, it would be perfect! :p When we first got on the beach, we bought coconuts and drank the coconut water. These are giant green local coconuts and we slash them open from the top, and a put a straw in it and start drinking that awesome awesome water. Coconut water is supposed to really healthy for you, and its amazing, the amount of water that is in these cocounts. Anyway, that was lovely. Then, we went and sat down and I started clicking some pics. I really wanted to ride a camel, so convinced Shirin to get on a camel with me. The ride was short, but it was soooo lovely! The camels were lovelily decorated :p Then, we came back and sat down again and Mervyn got some freshly roasted peanuts. By that time, it was dark and the stars came out. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... The waves were rolling in, the stars were out, the fish boats lights were tinkling off in the distance, and the three of us were sitting on nice cool sand eating roasted peanuts and just hanging. It was really lovely. In a bit, we had to leave as our bus was leaving. However before leaving, we managed to eat some ice cream as well :P I have been consuming soooo much ice cream here. But seriously, even the best of brands there DO NOT compare to the classic Vadilal and Amul ice cream here. they are just asdjfklsdjfklsdjfklsjdflksjd!!! Eating these ice creams is truly something that can improve your mood 100% (badly phrased sentence I know, bah english getting worse already!)
Nonetheless, it is such positive experiences that has started me thinking on my connection with Inda. Perhaps I am going through my own little honeymoon phase with India. My experiences have been positive so far, and I am seeing a whole other side of my own country that I had never seen before. I am getting to see a different side of India that I had only seen in movies and would always consider it suspiciously. However, seeing that myself, and living in this environment has made me want to at least ponder about the question: what would my life be like here? Can I live in India in my future? Can I start a career here? "Can I settle down here?" I already know that if I choose to continue living in Canada, I will have a very comfortable life. I will have a reliable future, and i will be in my comfort zone. If I continue down this career path, a Phd is inevitable, and maybe a professor job. It's a life that I can visualize, a life of comfort and ease for the most part. When I start to imagine what would a life be like here in India, the image is very hazy, extremely hazy and cloudy. But at this moment, it's a feeling I get. A "what if..." That's all. Perhaps it's just a phase and over the next few months, I might have some experiences that may make me want to change my mind entirely and never want to come back or realize that Canada is where I want to be. But in the meanwhile, I am wondering....
Also, on a completely different note, I have started seeing some bad dreams again. I hadn't seen a bad dream for a long long time. For those unaware, I am a vivid dreamer, and I usually see negative dreams related to myself and death, destruction, drowning, so on and so forth. However, over this month, those dreams had stopped, until last night that is. They started up again and caught me off guard. Not sure why that is. I won't exactly go in the details of what I saw as it might disturb some of you, but I had become something in it that terrified me. I was glad to be woken up. Not sure why these dreams are coming back, but I hope they stop.
Anyway, today has been a long entry but I hadn't written in a while and wanted to catch up. Hope you are all well! And I tried really hard to post up 2 more pics but it's just not going through. So Will try to post them up soon!! Meanwhile, enjoy this one!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
a few pics
Here's your glance at my bare bare room. But it seems to be sufficient for me. It consists of one mattress, one small table, one closet and a ceiling fan. HUrrah for basic necessities. Speaking of other sorts of necessities, on top of the table are a few pic frames, the books that keep me entertained in my free time, my phone (truly my lifeline here), and even more importantly, my giant cup of tea.Also, that's the view out of the balcony in my room. I barely use it as I end up looking at a barren ground or into other people's homes, not interested. Nonetheless for a added bonus, I threw in a photo of mine for free!! :P I know bad joke, but I thought well, no one else is going to click my pic here, so I might as well do that. Enjoy!
am back!
Hi all,
Back after a week long hiatus. Had disappeared in Ahmedabad for 5 days and it was sooooo lovely. I managed to do everything that I had hoped to do and more and am really glad I went. I managed to celebrate the last day of Navratri, and was out till 5 in the morning :D!~!! Just getting ready took me and Komal (my best friend) about an hour and a half, we left the home at about 10.40 pm, reached the YMCA ground at about 11.20 pm and danced there till about 12.30 am. Imagine a very very big ground filled with literally thousands of people dressed up in traditional gujarati outfits dancing away like madness, live cameras, a band on stage with singers and big stadium lights. It was a fun experience, a very short but fun experience nonetheless. At 12.30 once the dance was over, I went out with my friends to just eat food, drink 3 cups of kadak chai (courtesy mitesh) and roam around the streets of Ahmedabad at night in a car with windows rolled down and music blazing away. It was so lovely! I have come to realize just how much I absolutely love Ahmedabad nights. You ride on a motorbike or a scooter or an active or any two wheeler after 8 pm, and that wind is just amazing. All my memories involving riding along at night on a bike (without a helmet) have been yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy. It leaves me wanting more everytime.
Anyway, over the 5 days, I managed to see two movies, celebrate the last night of Navratri, spend more time with two really lovely friends, buy my big giant tea cup (finally!!), ride around on motorbikes, eat a lot of really really good food, watch a few movies and just have a great time in general.
Now I am back and must get back to work. On the plus point, my room is all set now and functional. Yesterday after work, I went to the market and bought a ceiling fan, a closet, a mattress, a bulb (and no, i didn’t fuse it up this time, i just got the electrician to plug it in :P) and a small table, oh and a bedsheet. I will be posting up the pics of my room soon enough, it’s really bare right now, but still will post up some to give you a glimpse into my home sweet home here in Keshod.
Yesterday something really interesting happened when I had gone to a store to shop for mattress. I was trying to bargain with the guy, and he said that he takes pride in giving the right price to every customer. He said, “last year a few girls from Canada came and I also gave them the same price”, implying he couldn’t tell that I too was technically one of those girls. Him believing that I am infact from here made me so happy. I mean, yes I know technically I am from here, but for years I have felt that people in Canada think I am too brown to be white and people in India think that I am too white to be brown. So it was a really happy thing for me to be not be classified in limboland for a change. For him, I am Indian. And oddly enough, that made me feel quite good.
Back after a week long hiatus. Had disappeared in Ahmedabad for 5 days and it was sooooo lovely. I managed to do everything that I had hoped to do and more and am really glad I went. I managed to celebrate the last day of Navratri, and was out till 5 in the morning :D!~!! Just getting ready took me and Komal (my best friend) about an hour and a half, we left the home at about 10.40 pm, reached the YMCA ground at about 11.20 pm and danced there till about 12.30 am. Imagine a very very big ground filled with literally thousands of people dressed up in traditional gujarati outfits dancing away like madness, live cameras, a band on stage with singers and big stadium lights. It was a fun experience, a very short but fun experience nonetheless. At 12.30 once the dance was over, I went out with my friends to just eat food, drink 3 cups of kadak chai (courtesy mitesh) and roam around the streets of Ahmedabad at night in a car with windows rolled down and music blazing away. It was so lovely! I have come to realize just how much I absolutely love Ahmedabad nights. You ride on a motorbike or a scooter or an active or any two wheeler after 8 pm, and that wind is just amazing. All my memories involving riding along at night on a bike (without a helmet) have been yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy. It leaves me wanting more everytime.
Anyway, over the 5 days, I managed to see two movies, celebrate the last night of Navratri, spend more time with two really lovely friends, buy my big giant tea cup (finally!!), ride around on motorbikes, eat a lot of really really good food, watch a few movies and just have a great time in general.
Now I am back and must get back to work. On the plus point, my room is all set now and functional. Yesterday after work, I went to the market and bought a ceiling fan, a closet, a mattress, a bulb (and no, i didn’t fuse it up this time, i just got the electrician to plug it in :P) and a small table, oh and a bedsheet. I will be posting up the pics of my room soon enough, it’s really bare right now, but still will post up some to give you a glimpse into my home sweet home here in Keshod.
Yesterday something really interesting happened when I had gone to a store to shop for mattress. I was trying to bargain with the guy, and he said that he takes pride in giving the right price to every customer. He said, “last year a few girls from Canada came and I also gave them the same price”, implying he couldn’t tell that I too was technically one of those girls. Him believing that I am infact from here made me so happy. I mean, yes I know technically I am from here, but for years I have felt that people in Canada think I am too brown to be white and people in India think that I am too white to be brown. So it was a really happy thing for me to be not be classified in limboland for a change. For him, I am Indian. And oddly enough, that made me feel quite good.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
stupidities
I feel like an A-1 moron at the moment. Why? Well, I bought two bulbs, one for my bedroom and one for the bathroom tonight. I went in and the first one when I went to plug it in, lit up for half a second, scared me, and resulted in the bulb crashing on the floor and falling apart into tiny pieces. One down. Alright, so then I go to the bathroom, hoping this time it would be different. I manage to put the bulb in the socket, and think, alright, it should work now. I turn the switch on, it lights up for a second and fuses out on me!!! WHY??? I have a suspicion I cannot exactly blame the quality of the bulbs for this one. Rather, I know I did something stupid. Now if only I knew what exactly was that stupid thing. So, at the moment, I am out of two bulbs and feeling like a complete moron. If anything, this has been a ridiculously humbling experience since it forced me to realize that if I can’t even put a stupid bulb in a socket and make it function properly, I shouldn’t exactly go crazy on my ability to “CHANGE THE WORLD!” Plus, I had a good laugh, grrrrrrrrr stupid me.
Anyway on a completely different note, tomorrow I am conducting a focus group, or at least that's the plan. More importantly, will try to do it in Gujarati. Most likely it will end up being a mixture of Hindi and Gujarati together but still, I am finding that when I am forced to speak in gujarati, something or the other does come out. It's gramatically incorrect and quite broken, but am still managing to speak at times and understand others many times as well. So hurrah for that. Now I will see how tomorrow goes, but will keep you posted on that.
But, tomorrow night am going to Ahmedabad! Hurrah! Taking a few days off and going to spend the last night of Navratri there (a festival where people dance for 9 nights), so hopefully I will get a chance to see Ahmedabad's Navratri after a very long time. I am not sure how I am celebrating that night, but will also let you know about that.
In the meanwhile, it's 1.40 am right now and I am not sure if I want to sleep or keep reading on Focus group discussions and gender or just go on digg.com and kill time. Hm......
Anyway on a completely different note, tomorrow I am conducting a focus group, or at least that's the plan. More importantly, will try to do it in Gujarati. Most likely it will end up being a mixture of Hindi and Gujarati together but still, I am finding that when I am forced to speak in gujarati, something or the other does come out. It's gramatically incorrect and quite broken, but am still managing to speak at times and understand others many times as well. So hurrah for that. Now I will see how tomorrow goes, but will keep you posted on that.
But, tomorrow night am going to Ahmedabad! Hurrah! Taking a few days off and going to spend the last night of Navratri there (a festival where people dance for 9 nights), so hopefully I will get a chance to see Ahmedabad's Navratri after a very long time. I am not sure how I am celebrating that night, but will also let you know about that.
In the meanwhile, it's 1.40 am right now and I am not sure if I want to sleep or keep reading on Focus group discussions and gender or just go on digg.com and kill time. Hm......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
