A discussion

Hi all,

I just spent the last 3 hours talking with a 19 year old girl about what it means to be a girl in this environment, in Keshod. At every step, there is sacrifice. She cannot make her own decisions, or even when she can, they are mostly based on how her actions will reflect upon the family name. My study revolves around talking about gender bias in healthcare seeking behaviour. If it's a boy or a girl child, do parents keep any bias in the way they would seek treatment for a boy or a girl? Does the birth of a boy or a girl child impact the way a new mother will utilize Post Natal Care services and how her family will look after her and the new child? What is the difference in the way adolescent boys and girls seek healthcare? Through these interviews and FGDs, the one constant line that I hear at least once is that "a boy is a must". They need the boy to carry forward the family name, but the burden of maintaining the family's reputation lies on the girl's shoulders.

A woman is considered the honour of a household. Her virginity is staunchly associated with her family's honour, more than her own honour. You might be wondering, so? What is wrong in that? What is wrong in that is the impact that this burden has on a girl's life. Her mobility, her health, her education, her life. Parents are afraid at the thought of letting their girls go outside the village that "what if something happens". What if she falls in love and has sex!! Let alone sex, what if she falls in love! In a very telling interview, when asked what are some of the health problems faced by adolescent girls in your village, one health service provider answered "she might fall in love", indicating, she might have unsafe sex with her partner, might get STDs, HIV/AIDs, or she might get pregnant. While this fear is understandable, what is more telling is that if she "falls in love" people are more concerned about the ruination of the family name rather than the actual health of the girl. This basic difference in mindset influences the way people respond to practical situations.

A girl's mobility is definetely restricted as compared to a boy, but her mobility has an impact on her healthcare. First of all, if a girl has any kind of a reproductive health problem (menstruation problems etc etc), she may not even disclose it to anyone, because she is shy. At times, she cannot even tell her mother. And when she can, and the problem is serious and she needs treatment outside the village, the parents can hesitate in taking her due to societal fears. They think that if we take her outside for treatment, this this information might spread throughout the village and people will say she has a bad character, and it will have a direct impact on the marriage proposals that might get. But if the same reproductive health problem is faced by a married woman, then it is alright, because she is married, she has the license. Because of possible bleak marriage proposals, her health can be compromised.

Because of the mobility issue, she is also not allowed to study. In every village, there is a primary school that goes till grade 7. Girls are taught till 7th. But if there is a highschool in a nearby village, and if the talks come on the idea of sending the girl outside the village to study, parents stop her education. This is not in all communities, it is dependent on caste and the families financial condition. While her brother will be educated, she will start taking care of the household work and field work. Work becomes her life from a very early age in these circumstances. By the time she is 18, she gets married off and off she goes to her in-laws. Within a year she has a child, and she will keep having children until they have at least one boy child. There have been cases where people have had 6 girls and then finally one boy. But even after having one boy, they will wait to get sterilized until the boy is at least 5 years old because the child mortality rate highest between that age group. Right now, the condition is a lot better as most people have awareness and understanding that a small family is a happy family, but still it is an incomplete family until there is a boy child. When asked, why is a boy so important, the answer invariably was "he will carry forward the name, the girl will get married off and carry forward the lineage of another family, but a boy will carry forward our name, he will be our support".

I have a lot more to say but I have written a lot and I think you must be tired by now. Nonetheless, these are the issues that I am dealing with in this study, and this is just the surface. But one question that I am stuck at right now is while I was talking with this girl, it was evident she didn't talk with many other people about it. When asked, can I talk with a few more of her friends, just as a converstaion, she asked, what will you do about it? You are leaving. Even the last interns who came, they spent so much time with us, and now, they are there and we are here. I am faced with that situation that I used to read in anthropological theories, the power of "leaving the field". The things that I have written about are the daily realities of these people, but perhaps a research exercise for me. I can leave and go back to my cozy reality, where I have power and control in my life, to make my own decisions in all aspects of my life. I can still see the way she turned around, smiled and said, "what will you do? you are leaving".

It is true. What will I do? write a report, gain some experience, and then? While I have gotten a lot out of these people, what have they received from me? The nature of such internships is unbalanced, meant more for the Canadian intern then the organization and the communities they are working with. And when the community members look at me squarely in the eye and ask what will I do, at this moment, I don't have a reply for them.