Mumbai, media and the "indian unity"

I have not been able to really sleep last night. At around 2.30 am there were news reports of firing occuring at the Delhi International Airport but when I went on all the TV news channels, there was nothing. I came and checked online and sure enough firings had been reported at the airport and supposedly all the airports accross the country are on high alert due to a hijack threat. 2 days ago, an 8 kg bag filled with RDX was found at the train station in Mumbai. But this was not reported on any of the tv channels. There were 10 bombs planted throughout the whole of Mumbai, or at least 10 KNOWN bombs planted, 9 have been found and defused but somewhere there is still 1 live bomb lying around.

So what is the media covering? Bollywood's reaction to the attacks. Quite literally, one of the news channels invited all the bollywood stars to comment and lament about the situation their country is in. One famous bollywood director, RG Verma and an actor Ritesh Deshmukh (who happens to be the son of the recently resigned ex chief minister of Mumbai) made the rounds of the Taj Hotel with the chief minister upon his first inspection of the site. This led to a massive outcry that RGV is conducting his preliminary research for his next movie in which he will take Ritesh as the actor. This story took on quite a bit of footage on screen until the director had to come on Tv and assure that no, he is not going to make a movie on this. The actor/son of course did not have to give any explanations. It is quite an altogether different story that the same news channel (Aaj Tak) is highly sensationalizing. It broughton all its TV staff together and they of all the people declared war on terror. Again, a NEWS channel declaring their own war on terror. They had a 3 minute pledge on TV and at first I thought this is a bad time for a joke but when I realized they were serious I literally could not stop laughing.

You might say that alright, those are the sensationalizing channels but what of those ones that still are comparatively better. Well, one of the leading Indian journalists Barkha Datta has been forced to comment and justify the media's behaviour during those 60 hours. Those who were doing the live coverage during those 60 hours have been accused by some people and some army/navy chiefs of not following safety protocol, being unsensitive to the hostages who were just released and their families as they tried getting their interviews. The allegations are numerous and if you are curious you check out what Barkha wrote here: http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtv/showcolumns.aspx?id=COLEN20080075194

And what are the politicians doing? Well, they are doing what they are best at. And that is playing politics. When the country was going through those 60 hours, all of them went into hiding. Not one comment anywhere. Yes, the president of the country, Pratibha Patel came on and gave a barely 2 minute TV statement that was worse than pathetic. Yes, we have a female president. But that means absolutely nothing and in infact harmful to a country like India when she is so incredibly inarticulate and lacks all possible credential to be a president. The chief minister of Gujarat, Narendra Modi went to the Oberoi hotel while the hostages were still inside being murdered and declared that he will give Rs. 1 crore ($ 260,000 CAD) to the families of each of the victims. Why this is inappropriate, people are still inside dying, and here is a chief minister (premier) of one state coming into another at an extremely sensitive point and already playing the who can doll out more money to the victims game. His presence was highly criticized and unwelcome. After the attacks, when the politicians were going out to victim's families homes, they were literally shunned. People were closing their doors on the faces. One infamous case, the chief minister of Kerala commented on the army officer, a native of Kerala, who died during the fighting, that had it not been for him, not even a dog would go to his families house. He was shunned and not allowed inside. There was some "outcry" that he needs to apologize but I believe that story has lost its retail sale value now. The day after the attacks, another minister stated that in a city like Mumbai, these "incidences" occur, so not exactly a big deal. I believe he was forced to resign. And so did the Indian home minister, and the chief minister of Maharashtra (the state Mumbai is in).

And what of the people? Well, those 60 hours it seems the entire country had paused for some time. I was sick during those days so all I was doing in my waking hours was watching tv news channels, reading newspapers and going online to read whatever news i could. The attacks started on Wednesday night and we thought, alright by morning things might be under control. To everyone's dismay, the morning came and went and things were still going in full gear even on Thursday night. 2 nights had passed by. I was up till 3.30 am on Friday morning watching the news until I couldn't stay up anymore. I went to bed hoping that this will be over when I wake up in the morning. It wasn't. 7.30 am and it was still going on. At 8 am Friday morning reports starting coming in that the last operation at Taj Hotel is over and they are doing a final combing operation. During these 60 hours, it was almost surreal to see what was happening. It seemed like a movie that has dragged on and on and on but you just can't look away. In the aftermath, when the casualty figures started pouring in, the country was waking up, in shock, in rage, in anger, and in grief. People wanted answers and all fingers were pointing towards the politicians to provide answers. "No politics please" ran news channels themes. Yes some fingers were also pointing towards the failure of the Indian bureacratic system as well as the failure of the indian intelligent services. People were gathering together and all started talking about how the terrorists have not won because India is still united. There were massive peace marches, 2 minutes of silence, flags were guarded, people were chanting slogans and wearing white. The major muslim organizations in Mumbai declared that the slain terrorists' dead bodies will not receive burial room in their cemetaries. There are 7 muslim cemetaries and none of them will be letting the bodies in. (This declaration has led to massive internet discussion rooms on what should be done with these bodies and the suggestions vary from digging a shallow pit, putting the naked bodies inside with pig intestines and blood to rot, to butchering them and displaying this on national tv to instill some fear etc etc. People's imaginations are running wild). The police at the moment is wondering what to do with the bodies and hasnt come up with solutions yet I think. Not to mention, major hostile feelings towards Pakistan right now. Many people are itching to just go and bomb Pakistan, declare war and bomb them until they hand over India's most wanted men who are said to be residing in Pakistan. The one captured terrorist, a young boy of 21 years age has stated that they were all trained in camps in Pakistan, and the men who trained them were ex-Pakistani army officers. While the pakistani government maintains that it is outrageous and "ridiculous" for the Indian govnt to point fingers at Pakistan, many Pakistanis are getting hostile themselves that why are they being blamed for this. Finger pointing, hostility and rising tensions. While the Indian government is currently not declaring war against Pakistan, I won't be surprised if that day is near.

In all this finger pointing, I feel angry at the Indian people. Before pointing fingers elsewhere, first look at yourself. This country is so ridiculously divided in so many ways that it is difficult to even begin. While Mumbaikaars can stand side by side with hotshot bollywood actors and chant that India is united and terrorists have not won, where the hell was this declaration of unity when bomb blasts were going off throughout the rest of the entire country during this year. Delhi, Jaipur, Bangalore, Ahmedabad, Surat and yes Mumbai. Did people not die in these attacks? So why was this outcry of unity not visible then? Was it because "only" 10-15 or 20 people died in each of these cities? Was it because that the areas where the bombs were placed were in the poorer/older parts of the cities, and the people who died were poor? So perhaps their lives have lesser value? When all these attacks occur in the other cities, it is easy for the middle class outrage to distance themselves and say "very bad very bad, what will become of India". I think at that point what they feel is that alright, these bomb blasts can only and usually take place in older parts of the city, at least it's not blowing up in my neighborhood, me and my family are safe na? But the moment a bomb blows up in Oberoi or Taj, all hell breaks lose perhaps because the realization comes in that if these elite areas are not safe, then they are definitely not safe. They can no longer afford to distance themselves from terror, they can no longer remain desensitized to it. Yes people died at the Taj and the Oberoi, but so did people at the CST (train station) but the media coverage was not nearly as extensive here compared to those at the hotels. Why?

I guess like any disaster, this one has also shown the good and bad side of the Indian polity. Divisions in government, in media in bureaucracy and the biggest menace of all, the divisions among the people themselves have weakened this country to a point where the same old story of divide and conquer keeps repeating over and over again. So in the meantime, I refuse to buy the whole "India is united" rhetoric. The day when the streets are flooded with people, protesting and organizing peace rallies for those people dying in bomb blasts in smaller cities in poorer areas is the day I will start reconsidering my stance. While writing this, I do not demean the lives that were lost during this attack. They were equally precious and every life lost to such senseless attacks is a heinous crime that must be condemned. My frustation and anger emerges when this national and international condemnation comes ONLY when the lives of 22 foreigners and other elite Indians or army officers are lost. When a historic hotel like Taj is blown up as opposed to a crowded market in Old ahmedabad. Why are people not outraged then? Where is the Indian unity calling for action then?

a good day

Well, I am ahppy to say that what I wished to do yesterday, I did today. Yesterday, I was in dire need of going out and being surrounded by nature and today I got a chance to do exactly that. I had gone for some fieldwork in a town called Chorvad (as well as a small village called Jarari). 15 minutes ahead of Chorvad lies a place called "Holiday Camp", it's a beach area. In the middle of the day we had some time off, so we took the chance to go visit there and it was totally worth it. It was exactly what I wanted, ocean for as far as the eye could see, nice coconut trees leading up to the beach, blue skies, warm water, a pebbly/shellish/sandish beach and that wind. God I am falling in loving with this wind that I think only India has. It's so pleasant and refreshing. That was a great part of the day.

The rest of the day as well went really good. I am realizing that I really do like interacting with people. I like meeting new people and talking with them about things. Also, I sat in a chagda again today after a long long time. For those of you who have forgotten what a chagda is, it's this motorbike with a lorry attached filled with people. I still very much enjoy riding in a chagda :P

Also, I did another thing that is new to me. Usually when I am travelling back and forth between Keshod and Ahmedabad, I take sleeper buses. Well today, I needed to come back to keshod from a village that was about 25/30 km away (yes I was travelling alone). And I saw this sleeper bus and just asked will it drop me off at Keshod and the driver and his two helpers said yes. So instead of getting a proper seat, I sat with the driver and his helpers by the door right in the front. As a result, what I saw was what the driver sees when they are driving, and it was lovely as the sun was just setting, the sky was a mixture of blues/reds and oranges. And I also realized just how skilled you have to be to be able to drive volvo buses on Indian roads.

Nonetheless, I had a fantastic day today! Hope yours went well as well!

Richa

PS: I have posted some new pics and they are available at:
http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#

be happy keep happy

Wow, I am feeling terribly restless. This is my first entry after the span of two weeks. At the moment I am flooded by this energy, don't know where it came from, but I feel like being surrounded by nature, trees, waterfall, sunlight, clouds, etc etc. Feeling very odd, but in a good way. For days now I have been contemplating writing another blog but couldn't decide what I wanted to write it on. Well, here I am sitting in office, listening to songs, just finished drinking chai and am writing whatever is coming to mind.

For the last two weeks, I was in Ahmedabad surrounded by friends and family and it was a very nice stay. Yes i did get sick, but I was with people that could give me comfort and company, and that was well worth it. My work has stalled but it will pick up now, I will make it pick up ;) Right now, there is an image in my mind that is being blocked off. But I don't know, will try to share it.

As i said, I feel like being out with nature right now rather than being in this room. I am feeling terribly restless, like I want to do something but I don't know what to do. I want to go by the beach, with warm water, take pictures, breathe in the fresh air and just enjoy the wind. Woooooooooooow. I would really like that. Plus, it would be great if there is some kind of music going on in the background. I have been getting a lot of music lately, and I am enjoying most of it.

Lately, I feel like being happy. I am doing well I think. I think the trick to being well and keeping happy is to smile and then others around you automatically also start smiling. Be happy and keep happy?

And now one small anecdote that at least made me smile, or rather laugh. This time around when I came in bus from Ahmedabad to Keshod, I was really really sl
eepy and the bus arrived in Keshod at 6.30 in the morning. I had told the bus driver to stop at a certain point but he went past that, so I had to yell at him to stop stop. Finally he did, and I got off the bus. I had been walking for two minutes at this point when I finally realized that something was missing. Yup, I had left my big bag in the bus. After the initial round of swearing curses, the first thought that came to my mind (no joke) was "SHIT! my earrings!!!" And for those of you who know my love for junk earrings would understand this. My one and only fashion accessory, of which I have 40 something pairs, years and years of hard work, gone in the bus. The thought of that was too much to bare, and got me thinking. So I made a few phone calls, the bus company made a few phone calls, the bus driver made a few phone calls, and then he stopped and I ran. I ran to catch my bag and then heaved a sigh of relief, HURRAH THE EARRINGS ARE SAFE! Anyway, moral of the story, don't put all your eggs in one basket (dont put all your earrings in one bag).

I have much to say about the Mumbai bomb blasts as well, but at the moment, I need more time to sort out my feelings regarding them. As well be in the right frame of mind. Till then, take care all. Keep smiling ;)

Love

Ranting

For those of you unaware, the last one month has actually been a very emotionally exhaustive one. I was caught in tangles of relationships that have now severed. Yes it did hurt quite a bit, I went throught bouts of loneliness, confusion, not necessarily anger towards anyone else but just frustration at my lack of clarity, sadness, torn and guilt. I think tonight I have let go of all of that. Or at least realized I want to let go of all those emotions. I think it is time to accept that for a long time now, I kept hiding behind people. I started adopting other people's ways of thinking and opinions and started expressing them as mine, a sort of plagiarism in life. While I just stepped out of hiding behind one person, another has come in waiting to be let in. But I want a pause. I think it is high time I stop hiding behind other people. You know, many times I have heard "be selfish" and I myself have said that many times, but saying it and doing it are two entirely different things. Being selfish, being guilt free, being free, unattached and at times alone. Tonight, as I write this I want to be at that stage. For a change now, I think it is time to think of just me, not me and anyone else, just plain old me.

I think in trying to be honest with others, I stopped being honest with myself. That's a point of trouble. I want to feel what I feel without feeling guilty about it, I want to do what I do without having to explain or justify my actions or inactions. I have come to realize that yes, I have made many mistakes in my so short life so far. But I don't regret them. I have done what I have felt like doing in the moment. Sometimes doing that has worked in my favour and sometimes it has ended up badly or not in my favour. But I don't regret my actions. The catch is though, in this not-regretting-anything business, is taking responsibility of the consequences of my actions. To take responsibility and to learn from my mistakes. That's a skill that can take a lifetime, but at least I realize I need to learn it.

So what have I learnt now? I have just started feeling this sensation of focusing on just me. I have learnt and seen what happens when "I" gets lost in a "we" and I have seen that sometimes you need a strong kick in the ass to start seeing yourself again. I have learnt it is hard to be completely honest with yourself, mostly because sometimes you don't want to see your dark selfish side, you don't want to believe that you as an individual have the capability and the capacity to hurt another person. But the truth is, we all do and we all have at some point or other have hurt someone dear and close to us. Maybe the sooner we accept this, the easier things become in terms of accepting our flaws and failures, taking responsibility and living for ourselves rather than anyone else. I have also learnt the importance of dreams. If you have been following my blog, you willl understand that I see horrible dreams. Why? Perhaps I was too scared to see something good for myself. Many times we consider ourselves undeserving or unworthy of the love and attention we get. I do so as a defense mechanism so that the love and attention does not go to my head and make me cocky. But that defense also blocks out the good dreams. I want to start dreaming good things again.

But that requires a change in my thinking. A complete change. Not of what if's and but's, but of certainty and strenght. I will not be afraid to see happy dreams. Whether my dreams turn into a reality or not, I do not know. But perhaps the point is not that. Maybe the point is in dreaming itself. Having the courage and the strenght to see and visualize something just for me, something that I can close my eyes and I can feel I have achieved my dreams. Earlier, I kept looking everywhere, outside and inside ofme for clarity. But the thing is, clarity was always there within me. But I had muted its voice. Perhaps of fear of being alone, of hurting someone else, of guilt or whatever. But the voice of clarity was there all along. It's just that I didn't pay attention to it because my heart and mind were muffled by everyone else's voices. Now those voices have ceased, or I have pushed them away. It is time to find and listen to my own voice and I am happy to be there, am at peace with that.

Wedding and bday pics

Hi all,

As promised, just uploaded a whole bunch of pics on Picassa from the wedding and my brief trip to Ahmedabad again.

Here is the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#

I am kind of feeling blah right now. My work has stalled considerably, I am carrying a flu since more than 2 weeks now and my mind just wants to shut down. Perhaps I will do that for a while now.

So will keep this entry short. Hope you are all well, and keep in touch!

Love

Sickness, weddings and lethargy

Hi all,

Writing after a week now. I was sick earlier last week and literally slept for at least 30 something hours in 2 days. On Friday night, I took a bus from Keshod and went to Ahmedabad from where I had to catch a flight to Delhi at 10.20 am. I went to a small city called Faridabad (near Delhi) to attend my cousin sister's wedding. Disclaimer now: I do have pics but will be posting them up by the end of the week on Picasso, so stay posted! The wedding was good fun. But I think more than anything related to the wedding itself, I really just appreciated spending time with my cousin sis and brother as well as my parents whom I was seeing after 2 months. There are parts of an Indian wedding that are really quite sweet and fun, but to be honest, most of the rest I find quite tedious. I have seen 4 Indian weddings now in quite a bit of detail now and I feel like everybody just ends up being exhausted, the bride and groom and all the family members or the organization party. I think this exhaustion definetely refers to the physical exhuastion itself, but also the mental and emotional exhaustion that comes from looking after everyone's needs, trying to please people and making sure people are satisfied. I perhaps am not articulating this as well as I can. Nonetheless, the more Indian weddings I attend, the more convinced I get not to have one for myself. It's too much. I do have an image of what kind of wedding would be fun to have, but I won't get into the details now. All I can say is, keep it short, sweet and simple, just like me :P (haw haw haw, I know, pj).

On a different note, my parents are coming to Ahmedabad for a few days later on this week, so will be making another extremely short trip to Abad. I have been travelling a lot recently, and am actually pretty fine with it. The only problem is I usually end up getting a little sick. It's just this stupid cold/flu that caught a hold of me last week quite badly, and hasn't let go ever since. So in general, I am in a pretty lethargic mood, just feel like lying around and reading a novel. I probably will do that soon enough.

For those of you who would understand, I suddenly wish I was sitting in Mr.Hill's class just listening and gorging over English literature and critizing it ovr the bullshit meter. For those unaware, mr. Hill was my English teacher in highschool and my bigggessstttt crush over those 5 years :p AAhhh...I am thinking now is the time to lie down, have a novel in hand, and dream about Mr. Hill's room no.14 talking about English literature and life. Lovely eh?

Love

Daman

Hi all,

Last week I had gone to a port city called Daman with my uncle and his family. It was a pretty nice trip (albeit we didn't exactly catch a lot of sleep). The thing is, Gujarat is a dry state = consumption of alcohol is banned. Of course, it has a very strong illegal presence throughout the state. Nonetheless, you won't find any drunkard on the street. However, Daman is not within Gujarat and so all the Gujaratis rush over to Daman and other such places every chance they get to drink up. So did we ;) (Just kidding). We went there to see the beaches, the world's second largest dam that falls on the way to Daman (Sardar Sarovar Dam), and just relax. There are two Daman, a small Daman and a big Daman. Small Daman is the commercial area with the tonnes of restaurants and tourists and markets. Big Daman is the residential area that has beautiful old architecture and is peaceful, clean and very green. I don't have pics to show you the comparison between the two. Nonetheless, I definitely enjoyed Big Daman (Mota daman) a lot more than small daman (Nani daman). The food also was amazing. If you don't remember, let me remind you that getting non-vegetarian food in Keshod is difficult, especially in the area where I live in as the neighborhood is for the Patel caste, who do not even say the word "egg" out loud. So of course, when I went to Daman we pigged out on all the tandoori fish we could get hold of. Every meal consisted of chicken and fish and it was absolutely worth it. Tandoori fish is something I can keep eating again and again and again. I think it's even better than tandoori chicken. Anyway, I had a good time over those 3 days and I do have the pics, (see the link below). Btw, apologies for the unorganized nature of the pics now. It's a real hassle to upload pics on my slow connection, so I am just dumping them all in one folder on Picassa. I am sure you can still make sense of them.

I am ready to leave for Delhi again tomorrow for my cousin's wedding. I will be gone for a few days, but will be back with a few more stories and a few more pics. Till then take care.

Love

Link to pics: http://picasaweb.google.ca/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#

As always let me know if you can't open it.

Dreams

I have been an avid dreamer for years now. Perhaps it was after 11th that I really started seeing vivid dreams. I remember the first just dream I saw was seeing my own funeral. My body was being cremated and my soul or whatever you want to call it was floating above it watching the procession. Since then death has been a very recurring theme in my dream. Some of the more memorable death related dream has been that my hands have been chopped off, that I am eating ashes of the dead with a Muslim priest sitting beside me at the Pyramid in front of the MacLaurin building at the UVic campus. In my darkest moments, I see a woman dressed in black, with wild hair and a tilak made of ashes on her forehead. She has blood shot red eyes and she just stares at me, trying to intimidate me and scare me. In times of greatest distress, she comes and stays. Sometimes comes and lies down beside me. But the thing is, she ceases to make me afraid. If and when she comes, I tell her she is just a figment of my imagination, all my stress and darkest thoughts manifested in this one black ball of a witch, who is there because I have created her. Sometimes if I look at her face closely enough, she resembles me. And that reminds me, I have created this fear.
I am not sure why but I cannot remember the last time when I truly saw a happy dream. Throughout my years at UVic, these dreams got more vivid, sometimes more scarier, more absurd and at times I couldn’t make any sense of them. People tell me that these dreams might be a result of hiding something in yourself. Not speaking up about things that I need to speak about. Perhaps. Some tell me to not pay attention to these dreams, just let them be. But the thing is, I think my dreams are a way for my mind to show me clarity. To indicate things that I cannot see and make sense of consciously. Nightmarish and ghastly they maybe, but they are mine. At times I cannot wait to get up and sometimes I run in the dream and force myself to wake up. At other times, I am just an observer in my dream, not taking any action, but just being and seeing and letting things happen to me. Perhaps the one place where my dreams irritate me is when I start seeing these ghastly things about other people, those around me. That is when I feel helpless. My dreams can do things to me and I am ok with that. But I don’t understand why they do those things to my close ones. Sometimes they act as a premonition. I saw a terrible dream about a friend, but two days later, I received a positive and encouraging email from her telling me to keep going. But why did I have to see a bad dream about her? I don’t know. People tell me don’t let your dreams affect you like they do. But why should I not? In fact I do. I cannot reject and run away from these dreams. As I said, they are mine. And I think they are a way for my screwed up and perpetually confused mind to tell me things I otherwise don’t understand. A few years ago, I saw a horrifying dream about cannibalism, a baby was being weighed like some form of a meat at a butcher shop for sale, I went in a basement and it was filled with human carcasses hung upside down, bloody and some chopped, ready to be consumed for gluttony. I stopped eating meat for 2 years after that dream. Sometimes I wonder till when these dreams will follow me. Sometimes I wonder when will I see that perfect happy dream that makes you wake up with a smile or not wake up at all but just keep dreaming and stay in your dreamland. Or if that will come at all.

Happy Diwali!

So I finally celebrated my first Diwali in Ahmedabad in 10 years! It was quite the experience. The night before Diwali I spent at Komal’s house where her mom was busy making Diwali snacks till literally 2 in the morning. We three were seating in the kitchen, she was cooking and Komal was helping her as well as putting mehndi on my hands. After that, Komal and I were up til 4 am, talking away about things you don’t need to know ;). Nonetheless, the next morning I was up by 9 am and reached at my uncle’s place where we got ready and then went over to my aunt’s house. There we ate and ate and ate pani puri and stuffed myself to the brim. Once I got home, I needed to do some packing and then at 4 pm, I went out with Mervyn (one of my supervisors in Keshod, he was also in Ahmedabad celebrating Diwali with his family). So then another round of food eating starting, and holy jeebus, 2 cups of ice cream, vada pau (this potato sandwich thing) and a very tall soda type drink in Barista. It was fun, we had a good chat and got to roam around a few streets of Ahmedabad that I had never been on before and a few places that I have had interesting experiences at. Nonetheless, upon my return, got changed for the third or fourth time in the day, had dinner again!, and sat for the Diwali pooja prayer and then went over to another uncle-aunt’s house where we all lit some firecrackers. We didn’t blow any bombs, but we played with rockets, anar, chakri and fulljari. Once again, for those not familiar with these words, these are basically pretty looking firecrackers, just google it you might get a sample of what it is. OHHH, and I forgot to mention, but during diwalis, we light up the entire house with light. We use diyas- little clay pots, put oil in them and then soak a cotton strand in the oil and light that. It looks beautiful. Along with the diyas, my cousin and I made rangoli. Rangoli is basically any design made out of power colours and you create these during Diwali to decorate your house. They can be made on the floor. The pic attached shows what Rohan and I created together. This was the first time for both of us and it was fun! We were pretty slow at it, took us about 2 hours to make this, but still it was worthwhile. Btw, I wish I could say that the design was a creation of our imaginations, but no, it’s actually made with the help of a stencil. But we still filled in the colour ourselves!!
After the fireworks, we drove around the city a bit and went for some roadside coffee. The entire city is lit up during this time, people want to have fun. What’s really amazing though is the fireworks. I didn’t know whether to be in awe of them or be scared of them. Well, I was both. Awe because there is such a large variety and there are fireworks going on across the entire city and the sky is literally lit up any direction you see. Scared because some people are ridiculously stupid in how they want to enjoy the fireworks. Many people would light up little mini bombs in the middle of the street where cars, cows, and two-wheelers (bikes/scooters) are going by. Many times people light a bomb in their hand and just chuck it. Other times, people go in the middle of the road and set up an entire box load of those big fireworks (like the ones we see during the firework festival in August) and just set them off. In a few buildings across from us, we could see that a group of people were standing on the terrace, lighting hand rockets and just chucking them downwards towards the road, towards moving vehicles and people. Forget being on a two-wheeler, even driving in a car is adsljfasldjfldsjfsdfds. You better be a skilled driver and know your fireworks to be able to tell when something is lit or not, be ready to swerve your car at the last moment, just really really tricky. Anyway, my night ended at 1.30 am with the balcony door open and the sounds and lights of fireworks enveloping my room. I woke up really early the next morning, around 6.00 am, again to the sounds and lights of fireworks because it is new years day. On new years day, people actually started to light the fireworks at 4 am. So imagine you are sleeping and waking to the sounds and lights of fireworks in the style of the August fireworks in Vancouver. Except, instead of one small boat lighting up some firecrackers for 2 hours, imagine, thousands and thousands of people lighting up the entire city sky for an entire night (and many nights before it too) with different styles of fireworks. Hadn’t experienced that in a while, but glad I did now. In any case, happy belated Diwali and hope yours went well if you celebrate it and in case you don’t hope you had a good Oct 28.
Love

PS: LInk to my pics: http://picasaweb.google.com/sharma.richa41/DropBox?authkey=hgBCTUY0u6Y#5262634714816582018

let me know if you can't open it ok?

Love again

Ahmedabad

Hi all,

Just reached Ahmedabad this morning at 4.00. Happy to be here during the time of Diwali, finally celebrating it in India after 10 years!! Hope it will be a good one. My train journey was actually really nice. Upon the suggestion of a friend and his love for that particular seat, I thought, sure why not, I took up the lower bunk seat on the side. Now for those not familiar with what the inside of a Indian railway coach looks like, I tried to find some google images for that, but couldnt see annything that would describe this adequately. Anyway, these seats are generally smaller in lenght and a bunk is made when two sitting seats fold together. So everyone was saying those will be uncomfy, but actually it was the most comfy seat that I found so far. And ridiculously, there was more than enough space left both above my head and below my feet. (generally people are not able to stretch out in these seats coz they are short in length, but courtesy my small height, this was not an issue for me). Nonetheless, having a really comfy seat, the fresh wind outside and the stars in the countryside with awesome music in my ipod = a very comfy train ride. And the thing is, when you are lying down, the train shakes you so much, you are literally moving sideways. I was up till 2.40 (making someone else go to sleep) and I caught a nap for an hour or so and then I was up as the train arrived at Ahmedabad junction at 4.00 am.

I am finding I really enjoy the wind here. It is not chilly like the wind there (canada). The wind here is cool and pleasant, something you actually want to enjoy. I have also been seeing a few falling stars in the sky. One when I went to Somnath and the other one yesterday. People say that when you see a falling star, you should make a wish. Well, I did make a wish at Somnath (and no, it hasn't come true yet, when it does I will let you know) but yesterday when I saw that falling star, didn't know what to wish for. I have what I want and what I need. I have choices and options and work, and food, and freedom and water, and time (at the moment mostly for myself), family and friends. Didn't know what else to wish for, so I just watched it fall across the sky and that was beautiful enough in itself.

I am glad to be back in Ahmedabad. Unlike my last trip where I had a few things planned, things I wanted to get done, I have left this trip open-ended. I will take what comes my way, but I am certain about one thing: GOOD FOOD!!!!

I have been trying to post up pics on blog, but it's not working. Will keep trying, but if it doesn't work, then I will figure out another sight for you to access my pics. Till then, hope you are all well. I have been hearing back from a few of you through emails and that has been really great. So keep emailing and keep in touch. Till then,

Love

cooking, seeing and thinking

Hi Everyone,

First of all, thanks soooo much for the birthday wishes :) Really appreciated them! My day went fairly went. During the day I was at office, but in the evening, Shirin (my supervisor) and I cooked (more like Shirin cooked and I assisted) in making dinner for all of us as Mervyn came over for dinner. It was a lovely feast! And I did made some parathas (different type of bread). Believe it or not, I think I am actually getting better at it. I have been cooking more frequently, and I really hope that by the end of this internship, I can cook at least one entire meal from scratch alone. I am pretty sure that will happen.

Yesterday was Sunday and the day went well. We woke up late, and then started cooking lunch as Mervyn was coming over for lunch. Again, an elaborate meal, which tasted sooooo gooooodd!! We finished lunch by around 3.30 and then got ready and took a bus to Somnath. There is a temple there and a beach there. To get to Somnath, we have to go through this town called Veraval, it's a port town where the people's primary income is through fishing. And holy jeebus, just riding past that town and really, you smell that extremely peculiar and sometimes intolerable fishy smell. I couldn't believe how the people there could get desensitize to it, as it is everywhere! But what amazed me even more were the people who actually do this work and I would imagine that their entire bodies can become consumed by that smell. Nonetheless, by the time we got to Somnath, it was 6.00. We made it just in time for sunset. I was sooo excited to see the ocean after a hiatus of almost 2 months. we ddin't even go in the temple, though it looked pretty good from the outside. I was a lot more satisfied by the ocean around me.

Indian beaches are a different experience all together. The water is warm!! There are camels, horses, dogs, cows, sometimes even donkeys roaming around. Street vendors selling all kinds of awesome awesome food everywhere and lots of people. But you know what? I loved it. If only Victoria beaches were like this, it would be perfect! :p When we first got on the beach, we bought coconuts and drank the coconut water. These are giant green local coconuts and we slash them open from the top, and a put a straw in it and start drinking that awesome awesome water. Coconut water is supposed to really healthy for you, and its amazing, the amount of water that is in these cocounts. Anyway, that was lovely. Then, we went and sat down and I started clicking some pics. I really wanted to ride a camel, so convinced Shirin to get on a camel with me. The ride was short, but it was soooo lovely! The camels were lovelily decorated :p Then, we came back and sat down again and Mervyn got some freshly roasted peanuts. By that time, it was dark and the stars came out. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... The waves were rolling in, the stars were out, the fish boats lights were tinkling off in the distance, and the three of us were sitting on nice cool sand eating roasted peanuts and just hanging. It was really lovely. In a bit, we had to leave as our bus was leaving. However before leaving, we managed to eat some ice cream as well :P I have been consuming soooo much ice cream here. But seriously, even the best of brands there DO NOT compare to the classic Vadilal and Amul ice cream here. they are just asdjfklsdjfklsdjfklsjdflksjd!!! Eating these ice creams is truly something that can improve your mood 100% (badly phrased sentence I know, bah english getting worse already!)

Nonetheless, it is such positive experiences that has started me thinking on my connection with Inda. Perhaps I am going through my own little honeymoon phase with India. My experiences have been positive so far, and I am seeing a whole other side of my own country that I had never seen before. I am getting to see a different side of India that I had only seen in movies and would always consider it suspiciously. However, seeing that myself, and living in this environment has made me want to at least ponder about the question: what would my life be like here? Can I live in India in my future? Can I start a career here? "Can I settle down here?" I already know that if I choose to continue living in Canada, I will have a very comfortable life. I will have a reliable future, and i will be in my comfort zone. If I continue down this career path, a Phd is inevitable, and maybe a professor job. It's a life that I can visualize, a life of comfort and ease for the most part. When I start to imagine what would a life be like here in India, the image is very hazy, extremely hazy and cloudy. But at this moment, it's a feeling I get. A "what if..." That's all. Perhaps it's just a phase and over the next few months, I might have some experiences that may make me want to change my mind entirely and never want to come back or realize that Canada is where I want to be. But in the meanwhile, I am wondering....

Also, on a completely different note, I have started seeing some bad dreams again. I hadn't seen a bad dream for a long long time. For those unaware, I am a vivid dreamer, and I usually see negative dreams related to myself and death, destruction, drowning, so on and so forth. However, over this month, those dreams had stopped, until last night that is. They started up again and caught me off guard. Not sure why that is. I won't exactly go in the details of what I saw as it might disturb some of you, but I had become something in it that terrified me. I was glad to be woken up. Not sure why these dreams are coming back, but I hope they stop.

Anyway, today has been a long entry but I hadn't written in a while and wanted to catch up. Hope you are all well! And I tried really hard to post up 2 more pics but it's just not going through. So Will try to post them up soon!! Meanwhile, enjoy this one!

a few pics

Here's your glance at my bare bare room. But it seems to be sufficient for me. It consists of one mattress, one small table, one closet and a ceiling fan. HUrrah for basic necessities. Speaking of other sorts of necessities, on top of the table are a few pic frames, the books that keep me entertained in my free time, my phone (truly my lifeline here), and even more importantly, my giant cup of tea.Also, that's the view out of the balcony in my room. I barely use it as I end up looking at a barren ground or into other people's homes, not interested. Nonetheless for a added bonus, I threw in a photo of mine for free!! :P I know bad joke, but I thought well, no one else is going to click my pic here, so I might as well do that. Enjoy!

am back!

Hi all,
Back after a week long hiatus. Had disappeared in Ahmedabad for 5 days and it was sooooo lovely. I managed to do everything that I had hoped to do and more and am really glad I went. I managed to celebrate the last day of Navratri, and was out till 5 in the morning :D!~!! Just getting ready took me and Komal (my best friend) about an hour and a half, we left the home at about 10.40 pm, reached the YMCA ground at about 11.20 pm and danced there till about 12.30 am. Imagine a very very big ground filled with literally thousands of people dressed up in traditional gujarati outfits dancing away like madness, live cameras, a band on stage with singers and big stadium lights. It was a fun experience, a very short but fun experience nonetheless. At 12.30 once the dance was over, I went out with my friends to just eat food, drink 3 cups of kadak chai (courtesy mitesh) and roam around the streets of Ahmedabad at night in a car with windows rolled down and music blazing away. It was so lovely! I have come to realize just how much I absolutely love Ahmedabad nights. You ride on a motorbike or a scooter or an active or any two wheeler after 8 pm, and that wind is just amazing. All my memories involving riding along at night on a bike (without a helmet) have been yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy. It leaves me wanting more everytime.
Anyway, over the 5 days, I managed to see two movies, celebrate the last night of Navratri, spend more time with two really lovely friends, buy my big giant tea cup (finally!!), ride around on motorbikes, eat a lot of really really good food, watch a few movies and just have a great time in general.
Now I am back and must get back to work. On the plus point, my room is all set now and functional. Yesterday after work, I went to the market and bought a ceiling fan, a closet, a mattress, a bulb (and no, i didn’t fuse it up this time, i just got the electrician to plug it in :P) and a small table, oh and a bedsheet. I will be posting up the pics of my room soon enough, it’s really bare right now, but still will post up some to give you a glimpse into my home sweet home here in Keshod.
Yesterday something really interesting happened when I had gone to a store to shop for mattress. I was trying to bargain with the guy, and he said that he takes pride in giving the right price to every customer. He said, “last year a few girls from Canada came and I also gave them the same price”, implying he couldn’t tell that I too was technically one of those girls. Him believing that I am infact from here made me so happy. I mean, yes I know technically I am from here, but for years I have felt that people in Canada think I am too brown to be white and people in India think that I am too white to be brown. So it was a really happy thing for me to be not be classified in limboland for a change. For him, I am Indian. And oddly enough, that made me feel quite good.

stupidities

I feel like an A-1 moron at the moment. Why? Well, I bought two bulbs, one for my bedroom and one for the bathroom tonight. I went in and the first one when I went to plug it in, lit up for half a second, scared me, and resulted in the bulb crashing on the floor and falling apart into tiny pieces. One down. Alright, so then I go to the bathroom, hoping this time it would be different. I manage to put the bulb in the socket, and think, alright, it should work now. I turn the switch on, it lights up for a second and fuses out on me!!! WHY??? I have a suspicion I cannot exactly blame the quality of the bulbs for this one. Rather, I know I did something stupid. Now if only I knew what exactly was that stupid thing. So, at the moment, I am out of two bulbs and feeling like a complete moron. If anything, this has been a ridiculously humbling experience since it forced me to realize that if I can’t even put a stupid bulb in a socket and make it function properly, I shouldn’t exactly go crazy on my ability to “CHANGE THE WORLD!” Plus, I had a good laugh, grrrrrrrrr stupid me.

Anyway on a completely different note, tomorrow I am conducting a focus group, or at least that's the plan. More importantly, will try to do it in Gujarati. Most likely it will end up being a mixture of Hindi and Gujarati together but still, I am finding that when I am forced to speak in gujarati, something or the other does come out. It's gramatically incorrect and quite broken, but am still managing to speak at times and understand others many times as well. So hurrah for that. Now I will see how tomorrow goes, but will keep you posted on that.

But, tomorrow night am going to Ahmedabad! Hurrah! Taking a few days off and going to spend the last night of Navratri there (a festival where people dance for 9 nights), so hopefully I will get a chance to see Ahmedabad's Navratri after a very long time. I am not sure how I am celebrating that night, but will also let you know about that.

In the meanwhile, it's 1.40 am right now and I am not sure if I want to sleep or keep reading on Focus group discussions and gender or just go on digg.com and kill time. Hm......

Ethics of photography

So it is Gaandhi Jayanti today and I am home all day. I have been up since 10 and it is 1 pm right now. I am still in my pjs and am feeling lethargic. I would like to go out and visit places, like the girnar mountains or the gir forest, but I want some company for it. I tell myself that I should do some work, read some articles, etc etc, but honestly, just don’t feel like it. I guess it is during such days where I can feel a little lonely. But that’s ok. I need to experience that and learn how to deal with it. In the meantime, I am watching bollywood movies. I am watching “Mera Naam joker” and really, it’s one of those lovely, classic 4 hour long movies. I am ok with that though. I enjoy it.
As I said, from my yesterday’s trip, there are a few things going on in my mind and one of the questions is regarding the ethics of photography. When I go for these field visits, I like to take a lot of pics of the people that I meet. Before taking their pics, I make sure to ask them if I can do so. So far, I have only received positive responses and people are ok with me taking their pics. And I have even posted some of them in my earlier blogs. But yesterday, when I was coming home, a man clicked my pic (without my permission) from his cellphone, and said “don’t worry I’ll delete it”, which he did. But in that moment, I felt uncomfortable not because he took my pic without my permission, but because I did not know what he would/could do with that pic. Similarly, while these people that I meet are ok with me clicking their pics, they don’t know how I plan on using them. Or perhaps they don’t care. They certainly don’t know that I can use those pics to put them up on my blog. This made me wonder, if the pic who clicked my pic went ahead and put it up on some kind of public forum without my permission, how comfortable would I feel. And I realized, I wouldn’t be too happy with that thought. Since then, I have been in two minds about what to do with the pics I am clicking. A part of me really wants to put them up and share them with you, but another part says, I have not asked the people’s permission to publicly share these pictures. Am I being too paranoid? I am not sure, but at the moment I am hesitant. Any opinions on this one? In the meantime, I can and will definitely post up my own pics.

Beauty en route

These are just a few pics en route from Kenedipur to Keshod. The entire area here is very agricultural and so I get to see a lot of greenery. Most of the fields around are peanut fields. For trees, there are many coconut and mango trees for sure. I saw something like a papaya today on a tree, but are there papaya trees??? Anyway, as you can see, these are the views that I get to see when I go on these field visits and really I think that is one of my favourite parts of the trip, breathing in that nice fresh air. That’s all for now, I’ll keep it short and sweet. Will blah on later.

Chagda!

Alright, finally home and settled in after two hours. Had my dinner (bread butter and apple), changed into pjs and checked my email. Now I can blog. Today I went to a village called Kenedipur, about 25-30 km away from Keshod. On my way there we went through car, chagda and a bus and on my way back I came by truck, bus and chagda.
Now as promised earlier, I finally managed to click some pics of what a chagda is like. As you can see, it is basically a motor cycle pulling along a lorry in which people and goods sit. 15-20 people can be stuffed in it. Some sit on the metal planks sticking out on the side, some sit on the floor of the lorry and others hang out the lorry holding on to the bar. In the pics, you can see I am sitting on one of the metal planks, holding on tight to the bar above me. It is a hell of a ride. The first time I sat in a chagda, the floor was stuffed with bags of goods, and we were sitting cross legged on top of it. But today, I sat on the metal planks the entire time (about 2 hours at a stretch, yes it took us 2 hours to cover 25-30 km). The thing about chagda is, you need to be very strategic in how you position yourself. For instance, just in 3 rides I have realized I like sitting right up in the front where I can see the driver. More importantly, where I can see the road coming up and watch out for the potholes. When I see a pothole coming up, I lift my body off the metal planks to minimize the effect of a sore bum. I also like to sit in the front, slightly tilted so that I can shift my body inwards incase I see tree branches coming up to strike me (the drivers usually ride along the side of the road, close to the trees) and also I can see if we are passing by a cow and its tail is about to whack me. Thus, I can shift my body back and forth and look out for these things. Needless to say, chagda is not exactly a mode of transportation in which you can fall asleep. Also, I realized chagda is definitely one of the best ways to see the countryside. My hair gets messy like madness (as evident from the pics), you get covered in dust when a truck passes you by, you end up with a sore bum and definitely sore legs, your hands get covered in rust holding on to the bar above so tightly, and you are usually crammed in. But, you also feel the wind in your hair, this lovely lovely fresh wind that I think you can only find here, you really get to feel the physical environment around you, undergo the experiences with all the senses, see the fresh greenery, feel the wind, hear the sounds of the roads and the people, touch the rust on the bars and smell the air (and the occasional road kill too – dogs, sometimes pigs and dead birds/lizards). Going on a chagda just gives you an entirely different but a lovely in its own way type feel for experiencing rural India. So long as you are ok with messy messy hair, and a sore body afterwards, are you up for it?? :p

there are many more things I wanted to discuss from today's trip, but am absolutely exhausted right now and my legs are killing me. But I will do a follow up on this one soon. In the meanwhile, enjoy these pics :)

Khambalia

Today I went to a village called Khambalia. As usual, going in the field is becoming fun as I am starting to interact with the locals a lot more. I try and speak in Gujarati more, however at my own expense as usually people end up giggling at my poor gujarati. Nonetheless, the one thing that I am really observing in my interactions is the importance of physical positioning. As I was mentioning earlier I think, usually when I go into somebody's house, they insist I sit on a chair (if they sit on the floor) or they make a special space for me to physically sit. Today when I went to Khambalia, the house that we were in had a swing. They motioned for me to sit on the swing, and the men sat across from me on a chair. When the women started gathering, they came and sat behind me. So basically, it is men on one side, me in the middle on the swing and then the women on the other side. My back was towards the women. Now, everytime I turn back I see them looking just at me, staring and smiling and some even giggling. But I couldn't exactly start a convo in that position, and they wouldn't initiate a convo either, perhaps because I was sitting on the swing - a space I guess mostly for the men to sit on. So there was a clear power hiearchy type thing going on. Anyway, then I decided to go and sit on the floor with the women, and immediately all of them gathered around me and all of their focus was on me, trying to talk with me. Then I had to take my time and in my broken Gujarati tried to commmunicate with them. Interestingly, when the meeting actually started, they wanted me to once again go and sit beside the men on the chair. It's as if the power between the women and myself was constantly shifting based on how and where I was sitting. Anyway, that was my observation of the day. Enjoy the pics!

My First meal

I cooked today!! My first handmade meal in Keshod. It's Sunday today, and all i have done is lazed around, talked on the phone, watched tv, taken a nap and now writing a blog. I really appreciate that I have people to talk with, if not in person than at least on the phone.

Anyway, I cooked! Initially I had not intentions of doing that and had bought myself quite a bit of apples and bananas. But I realized I wanted my carb intake of the day. So I tried making a potato sabji (vegetables) and paratha (a type of bread). Well, the paratha turned out as crisp and hard as a papad and the potato was a little raw and i forgot to put salt in it. I was glad I was not feeding this food to anyone else but me. Obviously still long ways to go in cooking Indian food. Will learn will learn.

Other than that, I am kind of in a calm, quiteish, sluggish mood. So will keep this short. And as for mama's comment on God....hmm...let me think about that one.

The "Field"

It’s Saturday night and I finally have one night off. I am feeling kind of ok. Other than work and watch really horrible movies or Gujarati shows on TV, I don’t have much to do. I was talking with a friend in Ahmedabad and it seems everybody has their Saturday night plans but me :(. Well, my Saturday night plan so far has included taking a shower after spending 5 long hours in the field, getting drinking water filled in a large can from the office, buying 1 Kg apple and a dozen bananas as well as 1 bag of milk. My cook didn’t make me dinner and she won’t be coming tomorrow. Perfect opportunity for me to take a break from the oily, heavy food and go back to the basics of milk and fruits. I have never usually enjoyed apples, but after such a long time of eating just oily vegetables and bread, a change is more than welcome. The things I learn everyday. There is no fridge in the apartment that I am staying at currently. However, I can still take care of milk if I boil it at night, then I boil it again in the morning. So boiling it every 6-8 hours should keep it going for a day or two without it going bad. Hurrah, I know how to take care of milk without a fridge. I just realized how spoilt that makes me sound. But whatever.
I have been going in the field since the last three days now. The “field” consists of 4 sectors/talukas and within these 4 sectors, fall 83 villages with a min. Population of 1000 each. So far, I have been to 5 villages in 2 sectors in the last three days. Usually I go with someone as I am still being introduced to the field and I don’t know my way around. Yesterday was an exception however because the woman that I was supposed to go with forgot about “the concept of me”. So off she went into the field and I was left to fend for myself. There is a local train service from Keshod to the place I wanted to go to (Malia). It was scheduled for 12.00 pm and I reached there at 11.55 am, it had left by that time. The train was running early. Alright, second option, take the local bus. Got to the bus station to find out there are 2 busses headed for Malia, one at 11.30 and the other at 12.00. I reached the bus station at 12.15 and neither of the two busses had left the station yet. I was glad they were running late. Then it came to be 12.30 and one of the busses finally came by. Now, let me give you an idea of what these busses are like. Soon enough you’ll see a picture of it too. For the moment, I call them “Khatara busses”, i.e. broken buses. These buses are a million years old, and they certainly look that old. It took me 40 minutes to reach Malia and it feels like you are sitting in the middle of a construction zone with drilling machines on your head. Now imagine the noise level in that scenario and add an extremely bumpy ride moving along at a snail’s pace. That was my bus ride to Malia. On my way back from Malia, I had to take the local 6 pm train by myself and I couldn’t believe it. The ticket was Rs.4. Rs.40 = 1 CND. You do the math on that one. I couldn’t believe it. These are the local trains where there is crap on the floor, the seats are wooden planks painted blue, there are child vendors inside selling peanuts and goats on the train. It was a short enough train ride and I made it home safe. Not that bad actually. Today on the other hand, I was supposed to take the bus but by the time we reached the station, the bus had left (even though we were told it hadn’t). So we waited half an hour, then went and checked and were told the bus left an hour ago. Then we took a thing called a “jhagda”. Once again pics will be coming up soon enough. A jhagda is very difficult to describe in words, so I will wait for the pics. For that all i can say is, you better hold on to the rod above for dear life and your bum will get used to the soarness and the numbness eventually. It’s like, your legs become so numb that you stop feeling them entirely until a bump or pothole rattles up the whole jhagda and a kid falls in your lap. Again, wait for pictures for a more clear explanation. And on my way back, we did triples on a motor bike. What that means? Three people on a normal, smaller motor bike going on a highway without helmet. 
Now, as for the field work Hm....I don’t want to talk about the work, but more about my feelings. I have already mentioned the kinds of houses I have been to. These are houses with a small small door that opens up into a courtyard that has a few buffaloes in it, (animal) shit on the floor and walls, one room that houses the entire family of 6 and an outdoor bathroom type place. That’s one type of house, and the other are the style that I am more familiar with, the ones with a kitchen, a bathroom, actual floor (not mud floor) etc etc. So there is a substantial variety in the kinds of houses, and there is a whole spectrum within the same village of a 1000 people. But one thing that’s common is that no matter where I go, most people are extremely hospitable. You have no idea how many times I have to had to drink “Cha” (chai) and decline water. Every house that I went to, and I have been to quite a few households now, probably around 20ish, I am asked two questions. “which village”, and “which caste”. I have also been asked “do I believe in god” before being offered water/chai/food. To each of these questions I have had a mixed response. I am still trying to figure out a response for them coz I am going to get them asked everywhere. While village is taken care of by the people I go with, they introduce me as the “madam from Canada who has come here to study”. Which caste, I have resorted to saying my last name “Sharma”, implying I am not a Muslim, and am Brahmin. Usually that seems to suffice. I have had to lie however and say yes I do believe in god in the field. I had a feeling that were I to say, no I don’t, that might not have been taken too well. So in the field I said yes, i do. They don’t press further, at least not now. So I am not sure how my non-belief in god is going to play a role in my future interactions, but i have a suspicion people are def. Not used to meeting people who don’t believe in god. On the topic of god, ironically, I carry a small statue of Ganesh in my bag. I had kept it in my bag in Ahmedabad and it’s just been there since.
Other than God, another thing I am becoming acutely aware of is the power dynamics. I am a “madam from Canada”. Even though all the women can sit on the floor together, they insist I sit on a chair. Today we went for a community meeting and a person from my office said that I should sit at the head of the table, so that it gives the impression that someone important has come to take interest in their lives. As he said, “we are too normal now, nothing”. Something along those lines. I am not quite sure how to respond to that yet because I keep telling the people that I go with I have come to learn from them, not vice versa. And yet the tag of Canadian, being a Shastri intern, speaking English, having fair skin (in comparison to others) comes with a power tag, whether its wanted or not, it’s there. Now I just wonder if I can use this so called power in a productive manner. While I am talking about my power, I am definitely amazed by some of the people that I have met. These are the people on the ground, making things work, staying out in the sun for 10 hours on a daily basis, going house to house, these are the women/ and a few men, who know the community and the community knows them. It is their hard work that has taken the project where it is now. And I can’t help but feel guilty of having this unearned power and privilege. I had read about this theoretically, but am experiencing something like this for the first time. It’s bizarre. I try to “neutralize” it (wrong word, but can’t think of anything else right now) by talking with the women in my extremely extremely broken gujarati, or at least speaking in Hindi and trying to let them know that I realize how important their work is. I am curious to see how this power dynamic shapes up over the next few months as the community gets to see and hear more of me.
I am trying to mingle up in the office now, and so far I think I am doing fine. I am getting used to hearing Gujarati and now have even started speaking some. I am kind of worried I will pick up a gujju accent, that too the Kathvadia dialect one. The skin tan is already getting quite extremely. My legs are substantially fair than my hands and my face. My hair is getting rough like a mosquito net (which i need to buy) and my face is getting asdjfaldsjfasldjflsdjfds. I cannot figure out whether I am gaining weight or losing weight. You be the judge of that once I start clicking pics.
Till then, adios. Now I have to figure out what I want to do for the rest of the evening. Probably work?
Oh also, did I mention I tried ironing my suits today (Indian dresses, with top, pant and scarf), i did half a salwar (pant) and got tired. I think I will just send them in for ironing. Blah.

Keshod

My time in Ahmedabad was cut short when I found out on Saturday that I am leaving on Sunday night for Keshod. Apparently it had rained heavily enough in Gujarat for roads to collapse, dams to overfill, floods to occur and transportation services to be closed off. Part of me was desperately hoping that things would remain this way and I will get more time in Ahmedabad. But alas, that didn’t happen and I had to leave. I was very sad and definitely extremely nervous at the thought of finally hitting Keshod. I have never been in a “rural” area in India before, and definitely not alone. My family has been in Canada for 10 years now. Over these 10 years, I have been back 4 times, this being my 5th. Everytime, my trips would be so sheltered, protected, comfortable and i would get everything in hand. I would be exposed to the nice pleasantries of middle class life in India. So the thought of being on my alone for the very first time, and too in a tiny tiny place called Keshod was definitely making me nervous, but not nerve wracking. For those who knew about my nervousness, they suggested that I stay back a few more days, but I decided to leave on Sunday itself as my supervisor was leaving for Mumbai on Monday night for a week. So i thought it would actually be better if I take this week to settle in while she’s gone and get used to the place. Looking back, I think, definitely a good choice.
Mamaji (mom’s brother) came with me to Keshod to help me settle in. We came in around 6 am, it was still dark so I couldn’t see the surroundings very well. But when we got off, we got off at platform 2, and the exit was on platform 1. Usually, there is an overhead connecting bridge between the two platforms, but ah, not so at Keshod. So we picked our luggage and walked across the railway tracks  First clue that holy crap I am in a small place. Anyway, I am not sure where to start describing Keshod. It has poor infrastructure, there is dirt everywhere, cows, dogs, donkeys, camels, buffaloes, bulls, and birds on the roads along with vehicles with TERRIBLY LOUD horns. You have no idea how loud these things are. It is unbelievable that people here are not permanently deaf given the high volume of these blasted horns. And for those new to India, people here use their horns every few seconds, I am not exaggerating. It is a way of letting people know that you are coming by. Anyway, the street leading up to my supervisor’s apartment, hmmmmm.....were I in Ahmedabad, we would consider these areas to be one of those poor areas where our maids, and cooks and ironing guys live (yes, very classist). And this is supposedly the poshest area in Keshod. The apartment however is definitely quite nice. The thing that I have observed over my few days here is that on the exterior, things don’t seem good at all. There is chaos, dirt, you don’t even know if it is safe, you think it is dingy etc etc, bu then when you step inside, you understand that it has all the facilities. Basically, think of a dingy shack. Now imagine that you go inside this shack and then you are seeing computers, tvs, fridges, cellphones, electricity, running water and many more facilities. Advice number 1: don’t take things at face value, has already come true. Things are not what they seem from the outside. If you come to India and only look at the mess, the chaos, the “Apparent” poverty, you are not getting the whole point. You are not seeing that even my maid, the rickshaw driver, the person living in the poor looking shack has a cellphone plan hell of a LOT better than what you have  trust me on this one.
Anyway, currently I am enjoying living in my supervisor’s bare apartment alone. It is very close to the office, just walking distance 5 minutes. And I have a woman who comes and cooks here , washes my clothes, does the dishes and cleans up. Hurrah! And no, I am not “indulging” in luxuries of her services. Having maid servants is very common and having a cook here initially is definitely a good thing. I need to learn how to cook. Cook Indian style. Coz otherwise, the local food is soooooooo oily. Tonight i had a potato dish, by the time i finished, the plate was covered in yellow oil. It is just potato and oil and spices. I am thirsting for fruits and milk, I will go buy some tomorrow. Also, I have to be careful of drinking water outside, so instead when I go to people’s houses, or when am at office, I have taken to drinking chai. Now, this chai comes in tiny tiny cups. It is very strong, very flavourful, mostly milk based (rather than water based) and VERY sweet. I swear its like half cup milk and half cup sugar its so sweet. Anyway, I am having quite a few of those these days. Its better than drinking water outside, coz I know at least in chai, everything will be boiled.
Now as for work, hmm....I know most of you are wondering, “so what exactly are you doing Richa”??? Well dearies, give me a few more days before I can spill the beans on that one. At the moment, I am still getting introduced to the project here, the people who work on the ground on the 4 sectors (83 villages, with a min pop of 1000). These days, I am going around the 4 sectors or “the field”, and just observing, listening and not necessarily a lot of talking. Basically, Aga Khan Health Services, India have created a project called CHAAYA (community health action awareness by young adults) in a district called Junagadh, in the province of Gujarat. The 4 sectors come under this district. The mandate of the project is to reach women between the ages of 15-49 and address reproductive and child health issues. They conduct various activities, interventions and the network system is amazing. The projct has been in action for about 2 years now, and imagine, you go in the poorest of households, you may not find literate people there, but because of the work done by CHAAYA with the help of Aga Khan, these people are starting to know importance of immunizing their kids, basic hygiene care, ante/post natal care, women’s health issues (menstruation, menopause, pregnancies etc etc). I have just visited 2 sectors so far, and already I am absolutely amazed at the amount of work it must have taken into organizing and implementing this project at such a vast scale, i.e. a community based participatory project that’s aiming to reach at least 83,000 people. I will write more about the work, the field, the people and my experiences with people in the field later on. For now, I have had a long day, and will sleep. Imagine what a drastic change. Richa Sharma who couldn’t sleep till at least 3 or 4 int he morning, is feeling tired and sleepy at 11.07 PM. Hm......

Ahmedabad

My time in Ahmedabad was again short, I reached there late Wednesday night around 1.00 am and was there till Sunday night. For those of you who don’t know, Ahmedabad is my birth city. Over the years I have had quite a bit of a love hate relationship with this city for many reasons. But even then, I come back and I just feel, I am home. I don’t feel like a tourist or a foreigner in this city even though much of it is foreign to me. Standing on the balcony of my uncle’s house that overlooks a manmade lake, I just feel, I am home. It is actually a really nice feeling. Over these 4 days, literally all I did was meet family, friends, eat, and watch movies. I was too exhausted to get into work mode, so I enjoyed like hell. Going out with Komal (my best friend/sister since I was in grade 1), my lovely cousins and Mitesh. I ate my dabelis, chana chol garam, Munciple market’s Choice ice cream, chilli chicken, tandoori chicken, garlic chicken, naan etc etc etc. Needless to say, it was ridiculously lovely. In my other time here, I got an opportunity to talk with my friends and cousins and aunts and all of them say at least one thing in common. People don’t trust each other here anymore. People have hundreds of people to say hi hello to, lots of people to just hang out with and have fun, but very very few people they would actually trust. There is a motive behind every nice deed, be wary of every one, don’t take things at face value, be careful of “these people”, these are some examples of the advices I have received so far. Whenever they would share with me stories of how their own closed ones would betray their trust, it would strike me that I have never experienced that. My trust has never been betrayed by a loved one and I am told I am one of the lucky few. I wonder if I am lucky or just plain naive?

Delhi

Coming out of Delhi International Airport was amazingly quick, just half an hour to go through customs and pick up luggage. I was with the other two interns (who are now in Chennai, South India) and we had a meeting at the Shastri head office. Nonetheless, after the meeting at the office (yes, i am skipping the boring parts), a friend of mine , Pulin came by and picked me up. It was lovely seeing him and he was kind enough to drive me around to deliver off a package for another friend. The interesting thing about Pulin is that I have not actually met him face to face before this time, but we have a mutual friend and we have been talking for years. So it was finally great to see him, but it still felt so comfortable, it was as if seeing him face to face was just a formality.  Unfortunately, my time in Delhi was quite short this time and I had to catch an evening flight to Ahmedabad. Oh, and I almost forgot, while waiting in the car to deliver the package to my other friend, it suddenly started pouring like madness!! Within minutes, the water was at least ankle deep. It was amazing, considering I have been missing true Indian monsoon for so many years. Later on, I was told that such rain at the beginning of a journey is a good sign. It’s too soon to be the judge of that right now, but let’s see what happens :P

Hello to all

Dear friends and family,

Apologies for this mass emailing type mode of communication. I am in India now, have started up on my internship in Keshod, Gujarat. And I am lucky enough to have a looooooooooonngg list of friends and family who want to know how I am doing. So I thought it might be worth it to start a blog and send you guys its link. In case I don't respond to your emails right away, and you are curious of how I am doing, this is the place you want to come and check up on me.

I will be writing lots more later on. Right now, I am hungry and papa is about to call.

Till then,

Lots of love from Keshod,
Richa